Post by Clara Hinton on Dec 16, 2007 15:36:17 GMT -5
Dear SG Family,
This has been one of the most difficult weeks for me as your Administrator since the foundation of this support site. It is always my prayer to provide you with a safe haven of peace, comfort, and support as you are walking this difficult path we call grief from child loss.
On Dec. 9th a post was made by one of our members that created a lot of questions as to the truthfulness of the post. From that, things just began snowballing out of control (at least that's how I would describe it.) When one post receives over 3,200 readings that tells me that there is a lot of interest!
You've asked me to find out if our member, Em, is telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Many of your gave support and felt right and sure in giving your friend support; others of you doubted and felt betrayed.
I have communicated with Em several times and I have been assured by Em that she is not going to be part of the SG family any more. In fact, she suggested that I delete her account which I am going to do after I am sure that enough of you have read this post from me.
Em has made close friends from SG members who live near her, and they will continue to give her support. As far as providing "proof" that her losses are real, Em has decided she is not doing that for now. You can interpret that as you please. This is one of those times when each individual will have to make up his/her mind.
Do we have lurkers on SG? Yes. Many of you began your relationship with SG by reading posts and being way too shy to share your story with "unknown others". These are personal details that we share, and many people are not comfortable seeking support on message boards. Again, that's every person's personal choice. But, I do know that many have given testimony that they received lots of support (some owe their very lives to SG) while they were lurking.
Do we have trolls on SG? I have known of two times when I was sure we had imposters. But, that problem was taken care of and right now I feel certain that our message boards are honest, caring people seeking support. If YOU do not feel that way, then it is your choice as to who you support or even if you choose to stay and continue to be part of this community.
Does every person have proof of his/her loss that can be researched? No. I am one of those people. I delivered a stillborn son, but I did not have anything put in the newspaper. Because I wrote and edited our church newsletter, I did NOT put anything about our loss in the church bulletin. It was too painful. My son was not named. Again, it was too painful. I do not have one picture of him. It was not the practice of hospitals to suggest taking pictures of stillborn babies or of suggesting that parents take pictures of stillborn babies. And, to tell you the truth (believe it or not), the idea of taking pictures never crossed my mind. I was in too much shock!
Do I have a birth/death certificate? No. My son was not born alive, so he did not receive such a certificate. I received a certificate of him from a census bureau, and I was so devastated that I ripped up the paper and threw it away.
I have no proof or validation of him except a few pictures of me during his pregnancy. Who would believe that? Probably nobody because I've had several other pregnancies. Am I telling the truth? 100%. Who believes me? I don't know, but you can google all you want and you'll never find a hint of my son anywhere which is very unfortunate, but true.
Why did I just go into detail about all of that? Because if I had been the person posting on SG I would not have received support, I'm sure. My story was/is too outrageous. Other details: My oldest daughter was pregnant at the same time as I. She delivered a little boy (prematurely) and my baby boy died. Drama? You bet, but it's true. My daughter became pregnant in her senior year of high school, and I was already pregnant with the little boy that would be born still.
My stillborn was delivered on a Thursday and my husband preached a sermon on Sunday, and I sat in church on that Sunday. Drama? Probably, but it's all true. Why did I do that? Why did we react that way? We *thought* we had to be strong for others and NOBODY told us to sit back and digest what all had happened. We tried to move on like life was okay when it was crumbling before us. We were in shock and had not accepted the reality of what all had happened. So, we didn't act as "normal" grievers -- whatever that is.
A word of caution to everybody: Don't always think you know how people should or should not react to their own personal losses and pain. You don't know. Every person is different. Not all people fit into your mold of how life should be, nor do they always fit into the psychological explanations of many personality disorders. Some people really do have one tragedy after another happen to them. They don't ask for drama, it just happens. I'm a living testmony to that.
What you discuss privately on aol, msn, or other means of im'ing is NOT to be brougtht to the SG message boards. Your arguments, disagreements, misgivings are NOT part of these message boards, and I'm not going to allow you to bring them on the message boards anymore. I've spent far too many hours trying to "prove" the truthfulness or non-truthfulness of two people (Pigame and Em) during the past several weeks, and all I can say is, "I don't know."
I appreciate you reading all of this. I will refer to this post when/if I have to block your posts from SG because you got into a fight with a person and brought it to the message boards.
This is a grief support site. If you do not believe a person's story, then don't read that post and don't lend support. You have that choice. You can alert me privately of your questions, but not publicly. I will always do my best to keep these boards safe and supportive. I want to know when questions arise, but I do not want several thousand members to know and then get upset before I have time to see if there is a legitimate problem.
So, in answer to your questions about Pigame and Em. I have no answers that will fully satisfy you. Neither one will be posting here on Silent Grief anymore.
Love,
Clara
This has been one of the most difficult weeks for me as your Administrator since the foundation of this support site. It is always my prayer to provide you with a safe haven of peace, comfort, and support as you are walking this difficult path we call grief from child loss.
On Dec. 9th a post was made by one of our members that created a lot of questions as to the truthfulness of the post. From that, things just began snowballing out of control (at least that's how I would describe it.) When one post receives over 3,200 readings that tells me that there is a lot of interest!
You've asked me to find out if our member, Em, is telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Many of your gave support and felt right and sure in giving your friend support; others of you doubted and felt betrayed.
I have communicated with Em several times and I have been assured by Em that she is not going to be part of the SG family any more. In fact, she suggested that I delete her account which I am going to do after I am sure that enough of you have read this post from me.
Em has made close friends from SG members who live near her, and they will continue to give her support. As far as providing "proof" that her losses are real, Em has decided she is not doing that for now. You can interpret that as you please. This is one of those times when each individual will have to make up his/her mind.
Do we have lurkers on SG? Yes. Many of you began your relationship with SG by reading posts and being way too shy to share your story with "unknown others". These are personal details that we share, and many people are not comfortable seeking support on message boards. Again, that's every person's personal choice. But, I do know that many have given testimony that they received lots of support (some owe their very lives to SG) while they were lurking.
Do we have trolls on SG? I have known of two times when I was sure we had imposters. But, that problem was taken care of and right now I feel certain that our message boards are honest, caring people seeking support. If YOU do not feel that way, then it is your choice as to who you support or even if you choose to stay and continue to be part of this community.
Does every person have proof of his/her loss that can be researched? No. I am one of those people. I delivered a stillborn son, but I did not have anything put in the newspaper. Because I wrote and edited our church newsletter, I did NOT put anything about our loss in the church bulletin. It was too painful. My son was not named. Again, it was too painful. I do not have one picture of him. It was not the practice of hospitals to suggest taking pictures of stillborn babies or of suggesting that parents take pictures of stillborn babies. And, to tell you the truth (believe it or not), the idea of taking pictures never crossed my mind. I was in too much shock!
Do I have a birth/death certificate? No. My son was not born alive, so he did not receive such a certificate. I received a certificate of him from a census bureau, and I was so devastated that I ripped up the paper and threw it away.
I have no proof or validation of him except a few pictures of me during his pregnancy. Who would believe that? Probably nobody because I've had several other pregnancies. Am I telling the truth? 100%. Who believes me? I don't know, but you can google all you want and you'll never find a hint of my son anywhere which is very unfortunate, but true.Why did I just go into detail about all of that? Because if I had been the person posting on SG I would not have received support, I'm sure. My story was/is too outrageous. Other details: My oldest daughter was pregnant at the same time as I. She delivered a little boy (prematurely) and my baby boy died. Drama? You bet, but it's true. My daughter became pregnant in her senior year of high school, and I was already pregnant with the little boy that would be born still.
My stillborn was delivered on a Thursday and my husband preached a sermon on Sunday, and I sat in church on that Sunday. Drama? Probably, but it's all true. Why did I do that? Why did we react that way? We *thought* we had to be strong for others and NOBODY told us to sit back and digest what all had happened. We tried to move on like life was okay when it was crumbling before us. We were in shock and had not accepted the reality of what all had happened. So, we didn't act as "normal" grievers -- whatever that is.
A word of caution to everybody: Don't always think you know how people should or should not react to their own personal losses and pain. You don't know. Every person is different. Not all people fit into your mold of how life should be, nor do they always fit into the psychological explanations of many personality disorders. Some people really do have one tragedy after another happen to them. They don't ask for drama, it just happens. I'm a living testmony to that.
What you discuss privately on aol, msn, or other means of im'ing is NOT to be brougtht to the SG message boards. Your arguments, disagreements, misgivings are NOT part of these message boards, and I'm not going to allow you to bring them on the message boards anymore. I've spent far too many hours trying to "prove" the truthfulness or non-truthfulness of two people (Pigame and Em) during the past several weeks, and all I can say is, "I don't know."
I appreciate you reading all of this. I will refer to this post when/if I have to block your posts from SG because you got into a fight with a person and brought it to the message boards.
This is a grief support site. If you do not believe a person's story, then don't read that post and don't lend support. You have that choice. You can alert me privately of your questions, but not publicly. I will always do my best to keep these boards safe and supportive. I want to know when questions arise, but I do not want several thousand members to know and then get upset before I have time to see if there is a legitimate problem.
So, in answer to your questions about Pigame and Em. I have no answers that will fully satisfy you. Neither one will be posting here on Silent Grief anymore.
Love,
Clara