Post by angi on Oct 16, 2015 9:28:01 GMT -5
I don't come here anymore.......I don't really think about this place much anymore. That sounds kind of hollow and cold to say. I don't mean it like that, I mean it in the most loving way possible. To heal and move forward was the greatest gift I ever received. Jonathan is his name. He was the reason I frantically searched the internet. Looking for answers, looking for blame.....looking for hope. I WAS COMPLETELY LOST. I lost him early in my pregnancy, to me he was a baby, we held him, we buried him, we loved him. To others around me he was something that happened and you only whispered behind closed doors. I was trapped in a place where it was odd to grieve. I found myself unable to sleep, unable to eat, unable to function and more importantly unable to cope with a darkness that seemed to consume my soul. Why did no one understand!!! In the darkness, at an hour when sane people sleep I came across a message board. I tried to find what member number I was......Im guessing that updates have made that impossible. I know it is low. I remember thinking how small it was then. I did not post right away. I kind of hid in the darkness reading, trying to compose my thoughts. I did not want to seem crazy with my first post. I wanted people to respond with the warmth and love that they responded to others posts. Little did I realize then, that warmth and love is what this board is about. Support no matter how the post seems, because we have all had our crazy days, our dark days, our hating angry days, our pity party days, our sad days.......and hopefully, for those who were with me so long ago, we have all had our joyful days. Im ashamed to say I no longer speak to the ladies who carried me through that dark time in my life. I have no idea where they are today. I only hope that they too have been blessed with healing. I cannot express enough what this board did for me. I can never repay you for what you have done in my life. I just wanted to check back in, 12 years later and say that I survived this!!!!