Suspicious miscarriage? confused and sad

[lesliehoya]

My girlfriend was 8 weeks. We work together, same shift. She didn't show up to work one day but didn't call or text me, just left me wondering where she was. Hours go by and co-workers said she called out sick. I text her and she replied she's not feeling well and will call later. Few hours later she calls and said she's sorry but miscarried and waiting for pain meds.

See her after work and she said she woke up spotting and called her best friend, gay guy, to take her to the doctor. Then she had a d&c and an IUD inserted and we can try again when we have more money. Her mom cleaned her house while she was at the doctor.

I'm not understanding a few things.
One, why did she hide this from me until it was over? Her answer was she was trying to take care of herself and I was working. But she had time to call in sick to work and call her friend and mom. And she texts me at work all the time anyway.
Two, does this happen that fast? Early 5am spotting can get you a d&c and IUD by noon?
Three, no information about what the doctor said. Just the information I listed here, that's all I got.

I hate to question someone over something so devastating but I have this gut feeling she might have had an abortion. She's had one before and said she felt bad but the father made her get one, like she can't take responsibility for her decision. I'm trying to be supportive and trust her but these questions are eating at me. Maybe I read into things, so if someone can talk me out of any unnecessary paranoia......

[themissus]

I don't know about the iud part but I do know that if there's no heartbeat they usually do give the option of a quick d&c but I have never heard of one on the same day since most often for miscarriage they are more likely to use anesthesia so it's planned but usually in the next week. I didn't think they could put in an iud so close after a pregnancy, successful or otherwise. I know its not an ideal situation but I would ask her these questions.

[libralise]

Hi.  I think you can ask her these questions or at least discuss this situation with her.  I would be extremely cautious in the way that you do though.  Remember that whether she had an abortion or a miscarriage, it can be an intensely difficult emotional situation regardless.  Every woman reacts differently to traumatic situations like this.  When I miscarried, though my husband knew I was at the hospital, I didn't want him to be there with me.  I just took care of it on my own, may seem bizarre, but I did...  Perhaps she was in shock... or felt more comfortable having her mother and friend as support rather than having you as support when she was in a vulnerable position.?  I think that you can ask her about this and about why she handled it the way that she did, but as I said, please be cautious.  And I think the more important angle would be the fact that she left you out of this situation - you being the baby's father, you can explain that you want to be involved and be supportive or her and that her leaving you out of this has you baffled.  But please, be so careful... such a sensitive topic and I know that if my husband had asked me if I aborted the baby as opposed to having had a miscarriage that it would not have gone over well at all.  Your discussion and angle could be more along the lines of how you want to be and need to be mutually supportive of one another.

I am sorry for your loss and the sadness in your life right now.