Think I screwed up

[Alaska]

Wish I could have a re- do. Had a pt come through the ER with bleeding and cramping. Her hCG was over 26,000 and we could only see an irregular shaped gestational sac and small fetal pole with no cardiac activity and no yolk sac. It does not look good. Most likely this a miscarriage. I explained this and offered to take a second look in a few days and to follow her in clinic. I think I came across kind of cold .....and that is so not me.

There was another doctor in the room and two medical students with me. I think I probably imagine it more than its real, but I feel like they are always waiting for me to fall apart when we have a loss. I guess I was trying too hard to please them by not getting too close to my patient. I think it was all wrong. I think she probably left feeling like I really didn't care that she was losing her baby, yet nothing could have been further from the truth.


It's strange these days... I go from the joy of delivering precious babies all night mixed in with those very Painful losses. It's mind boggling.

[Healthylife4 Tori]

Reading your post reminds me of one of my losses. Higher numbers but no heartbeat. I can insure you there is just no way you seemed uncaring. As many have said before " I wish you were my doctor" ((hugs)) Thank you for the dr you are. The one thing that proves you cared very much was the fact you offered to take a look in days to come. You gave her the truth but a small bit of hope, so that there would be no doubt in her mind.
Sorry you have the uncaring co- workers.

[Krista]

*hug* You are a GREAT doctor, truly caring to check again in a few days. I definitely wish I had you as my doctor when I had my losses. Boo to your co-workers! How heartless of them.

[marsij]

I'm sure you didn't sound cold at all. She needed to know what's going on. I'm sure it can't be easy to be removed emotionally from patients, yet sound like you care at the same time. Especially when this happens.

[marianne]

it is hard to be yourself when others are observing you. i doubt anything you could have said would have made any difference, i doubt she felt you were uncaring because you communicate a lot non-verbally.

[bbear]

if you feel you came off that way and want to try to correct that just call her at home and remind her to come back in for a check up. that would show her that you do care. Just a suggestion if it weighs that heavily on you. It has to be hard to have that connection with a patient when there are others watching over your shoulder. I guess it wouldn't bohter me having a dr fall apart but it can't help to catch the crap from your "collegues" (sp)

[kjb96a]

Totally agree with Brandy! Your job can be so hard at times. I'm glad you find the joy in it to though. (((HUGS)))