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Post by rnandmom on Jun 8, 2010 11:59:33 GMT -5
My BIL's wife just texted me to tell me they're having a boy. I JUST DO NOT CARE. I wanted to text back, "Great - I'm having nothing - since I've lost TWO babies you know - in the time that you have been pregnant and smoking." I don't want to know anything about her or her pregnancy. I just don't.
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Post by candace on Jun 8, 2010 12:05:49 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Rachelle! She is grossly insensitive and emotionally stupid.  I feel so angry on your behalf! WTF is wrong with people?? It's so unfair, so unjust, and so maddening. I don't know what advice to give except to avoid them as much as possible. ((((hugs)))) |
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Post by kerriv on Jun 8, 2010 12:32:33 GMT -5
(((((((Rachele))))))) I felt the same way when my cousins wife was pregnant and I had suffered 2 losses. I just didn't want to know anything at all. And my mom had the nerve to call and ask if I would let her use my maternity clothes. I was furious! I'm so sorry hun.
Kerri
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Post by momtopatience on Jun 8, 2010 13:49:48 GMT -5
What was she thinking, so sorry!!!
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Post by dawn on Jun 8, 2010 14:22:13 GMT -5
(((huge hugs))))
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Post by ty'smommy on Jun 8, 2010 18:00:20 GMT -5
I am sorry!
That just stinks, for people to be so insensitive!
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Post by rnandmom on Jun 8, 2010 20:27:10 GMT -5
I told my kids that they were getting a boy cousin and dd asked how I knew. I told her that I had gotten a text from BIL's wife and she replied, "Well that's really mean of her to rub it in like that. I'm only ten and I know that." I love that kid.
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Post by PTK&C's mommy on Jun 8, 2010 21:28:18 GMT -5
Your DD is such a little sweetheart. You've obviously been a great mom to raise a girl with such a good heart. ((((hugs))))
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Post by msmarib on Jun 8, 2010 22:56:12 GMT -5
Even your daughter gets it! Rachele, I'm probably not good for you right now, but when people get THAT stupid, I get honest. "I'm not in a good place to talk about anyone's pregnancy right now. I just had 4 babies die," would be my text in reply. DH should talk to your BIL. Maybe BIL can reign her in....
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Post by candace on Jun 9, 2010 0:00:27 GMT -5
You're daughter is a sweetheart - see, even at 10 years old, she understands human decency! I think it's her sensitive, artist's soul.  |
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Post by rnandmom on Jun 9, 2010 4:40:28 GMT -5
I wanted so much to reply and let her know that I didn't want to know about her pregnancy because I've lost four babies, but instead I just replied "Congratulations." This is the SIL I deleted from my Facebook after the last miscarriage, but I noticed yesterday after I posted about the whole thing on facebook, one of MIL's friends was online and it wasn't long before I saw MIL lurking online. MIL never gets on facebook so I am pretty sure she got on b/c her friend told her what my status was. I totally expected her to say something to me, or to at least call dh last night, but she never did.
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Post by rnandmom on Jun 9, 2010 22:53:07 GMT -5
Everything totally blew up in my face and it's all my fault for blowing up on facebook. Apparently BIL and his wife have been logging in under MIL's account for quite some time and following me. He called this afternoon to yell at me, but fortunately I was already on the phone and he just left a voicemail. I texted him saying that I wouldn't get into a shouting match over the phone, and apologized for my actions, but explained how I've been feeling. I told him that I am hurting so much from my own losses, and it hurts me to be around pregnant women in general, and the fact that she has been so awful to me all this time has made it more difficult. He ended up calling dh and telling him that I "won't have to worry about ever seeing them again" and that he'll call ahead from now on to be sure we won't be at MIL's when they go. So I guess I've screwed that up pretty good. It wouldn't be so bad except that means our annual beach vacation to MIL's timeshare will be affected (the kids look forward to that all year) as well as all the holidays. I totally screwed up everything just by allowing all my pent up emotions to come to a head and explode, thinking stupidly I was doing it without them seeing. I wish I knew how to fix things, but I just don't.  I just can't forget all the things she has done/said to hurt me over the years. Once she threatened to spank my dd, and then when I told her I was pregnant back in February, she never even said congratulations. The following is part of what she said to me: "Wow - that is some news, I'm not trying to be mean (so please don't take it that wya) but I thought Tony didn't want anymore kids but I'm glad he is ok with it now. Good to hear the kids are happy about it also. Hopefully everything will go well and everything will be ok." That sure made me feel great. In the next sentence, she told me she was also pregnant. It was the following weekend when she had gotten an ultrasound too early to see anything, and avoided me like the plague all weekend. That was the weekend my baby died. I feel terrible and I never meant for it to come to this. I've ruined everything for our entire family out of grief, bitterness and jealousy. |
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Post by isha on Jun 10, 2010 7:49:50 GMT -5
I'm so sorry it all blew up. When I read your latest post I thought that maybe if you posted on FB what you did here (about knowing you messed up family relationships because of bitterness and jealousy and are sorry and wish you knew how to fix it) that maybe that would be the key to fixing things. I know it would be a big pill to swallow, and that you do have legitimate reasons to have been hurt multiple times by them, but sometimes acting out of remorse and humility can heal what happened out of bitterness and jealousy. Just something to think about.
I hope that all of this can be resolved. I hope your BIL and SIL's hearts will be softened and that they can learn from your hurt.
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Post by momtopatience on Jun 10, 2010 8:16:37 GMT -5
(((( Rachelle))))) I may sound like a meanie here but honestly I feel like they should show more compassion to you. I am sure anything you posted on face book could not have been that bad. You have the right to express your hurt. Snooping on their part is very wrong. Sounds to me like Sil is wanting attention and your caught in the middle. I am so sorry your dealing with this and I do hope their hearts soften and their Eyes wake up to the mean-ness the Sil is throwing at you. |
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Post by wishingfor1more on Jun 10, 2010 9:53:11 GMT -5
I so agree with momtopatience. You need compassion right now. Not insensitive inlaws!! Just let it go. all will settle down and peace will return. If they can't see that anything you said was out of grief then they have some real issues. Stay strong, they will come around and see you were just hurt.
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