miandra
Full Member
Lean not on your own understanding...
Posts: 102
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Post by miandra on Dec 27, 2007 22:11:28 GMT -5
We just lost my nephew to a freak pool accident. He was 3 years old. We are at a loss and I tried to be strong and then I look at the Christmas pictures of him and my 20 month old daughter kissing and playing and my heart goes to pieces. I had a miscarriage before my daughter, but I am grieving so much for this beautiful boy with big dimples.
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Post by RunawayTeddyBear on Dec 27, 2007 22:22:04 GMT -5
A sad welcome to our family here, Miandra. What a heartbreaking shock! Please feel free to join us and post as often as you need to. You can let your nephew's parents know about us as well. Tragically, we have several members who have lost children the same way. {{{HUGS}}} Cynthia
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miandra
Full Member
Lean not on your own understanding...
Posts: 102
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Post by miandra on Dec 29, 2007 20:16:33 GMT -5
Here is Emmanuel Isn't he cute. Thanks heavenly_angelic1 for showing me how to post the pictue
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Post by erin24 on Dec 31, 2007 14:22:29 GMT -5
Hello, my name is Erin. I have posted a few times on this board, but I usually post on the stillbirth board. I have been lurking here some and thought I would share my story with you it's long so I appologize in advance.
My Dh, Jason, and I have been together for 8 years - married for 3. I am 26 and he is 29. I was diagnosed with endometreosis at the age of 18 so I knew that getting pg would not be easy - so when we got married we decided that we would not use any form of b/c and if it happened great and if not we would be ok with that too. After a year of marriage I started to think that maybe we would never have children - so I cried and delt with it and then we decided that we would work really hard and get out of debt and then look into adoption - we were completely happy with that. Then last Easter I started feeling sick alot and very tired - but after taking so many pg tests and alway getting my hopes dashed - I refused to waste anymore money on them - I just knew I wasn't pg. We were at a friends house and Jason mentioned something about me being late and feeling wierd - my friend marched to her bathroom and brought a pg test and said here I don't need it go home and take it. We were going to meet his dad for dinner and Jason talked me into stopping by the house first and taking the test. So, reluctantly, I went in and did my thing - I started fixing my hair and almost forgot what I was in there for - I looked down and immediately grabbed my stomach and quietly started to cry - Dh was at the door - are you ok - I opened the door - he looked at my face and knew - we were going to have a baby!!!! I have never been so happy, scared, and worried all at the same time! We went and bought 2 more tests and they were (+) we went to tell my parents and then went to eat and told his dad. We started making plans right away. I had a few episodes of spotting, always terrifying, but all seemed well. I loved my little "baby wood" that's what we called him - we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl. I talked to him all the time and we had picked out everything for his room and had made plans with friends to start working on it on 7/14/07. We got the crib on 7/07/07. I had what seems like 15 ultrasounds and each time I was amazed at how he grew. The last one was at 16 weeks - they had a new u/s machine and the Dr. didn't know how to use it - I got to watch him play for like an hour - it was the most wonderful hour of my life. I told the Dr. that day that I felt like I had an infection - he ignored me and said I was fine. 4 weeks later-07/06/07 at my bosses son's wedding rehearsal I started having these funny sensations - I thought that's wierd that felt like what I think a contratcion would feel like - but I ignored it and went home. When I got home I had another episode and something to DH and he asked if I wanted to go to the hospital - I said no it's probably just braxton hix and I'm overreacting. The next day we went to the wedding and I did ok. That night we went out with some of the wedding party and it started again - so I sat down most of the night thinking it would stop. Dh said we have an appt. on Tuesday 7/10/07 - this was Saturday - so we just waited. The next day I laid around all day and then we went to my parents that afternoon - I went to the bathroom and my water broke-I knew right away that I would never see my baby alive. I tried to stay calm and made Dh drive me to the hospital in town. When I got there my BP was 210/122 - I couldn't even tell it was up. So immediately they put in a room and started giving me meds to lower it. The whole time all I wanted to know was if my baby was ok - they wouldnt tell me . they did an u/s and then I waited and waited and waited. Finally they came and said that they were transferring me to my ob's hospital 45 minutes away. They told me that my baby was alive, but there was very little fluid around him and that he only had a 10% chance of survival. So they put me in the ambulance and it was the longest ride of my life! We got there - they did another u/s - and then I waited for a while and they brought me a phone, a Dr. from my practice, that I had never even met - tells me over the phone that my baby is alive, there's no fluid and I have a severe infection. Yes I had had an infection all this time - I knew something was wrong and I trusted the Dr. and ignored it. He said that most likely to keep me healthy, I would have to have my baby. So they admitted me and said that a Dr. would come in the AM to talk about our options. Well this was 2AM - at 8AM we were awakened by yet another Dr. from my practice taht I'd never met. She said you have 3 options: you can go home and wait until you go into full labor on your own, you can go to Chapel Hill (3 hours away) they will put you to sleep do a C-section and you'll never feel a thing, or we can induce you today and you can have your baby and get it over with. She said that I had to have him or I could die - the only way to get rid of the infection at this point was to have the baby. I was 20 weeks - no chance of survival. I knew I wasn't going to be put to sleep - I had to meet my precious baby. They gave us until 12noon to decide - lots of time for such a life altering decision. At 10:30 I told the nurse that I had a fever - she took my temp. and said no I don't think you do. I said trust me I know my body I have a really high temp. - I was just worried about my baby - I knew that w/out fluid a high temp would most likely kill him. So she took it under my arm and it was 104. I immediately started having contractions - the decision was out of our hands - we were strangely relieved that we didn't have to make the call to kill our baby. They moved me to a L&D room-took me right by the nursery with all the new babies crying. I was so sick - I couldn't stop vomitting - and my temp wouldn't go down and the infection made the contractioins sooooooo intense! They gave me petocin(sp?) which slowed down the labor. I lay there for 4 hours and no change in my temp. I had 15 blankets on me and still couldn't stop shaking. When DH would walk me to the bathroom I would start convulsing - it was awful - he thought I was going to die. Finally my fever started to come down and I stopped vommitting, and the contratctions became regular - again. The pain was unbeivable - once the contractions started they never released - the infection caused me to stay in one HUGE contraction for 2 hours - no relief. Finally I felt I needed to push and my baby was here, Monday July 9,2007. I prayed that it wouldn't be a boy - I thought that would be even more painful for my DH. It was a boy - my precious Jaxon. He moved a little but never took a breath. I cried "I want my baby, I want my baby!" So they brought him to us - he was BEAUTIFUL he looked just like DH. I held him and kissed his and snuggled him. So much pain!!!!! I have never seen my DH cry the way he did through out that day - the most intense - waling. I have never felt such love and such pain all at one time! He was perfect - nothing at all wrong with him. My parents and brothers were there and we all held my angel and cried and then the contractions started again - I had to give him back. I was in one continuous contraction for the next 45 minutes and no one knew what to do - I screamed and screamed - they kept giving me Morphine and it never even took the edge off. Finally the Dr. that delivered him came in and did an exam and said everything was fine and that the infection was causing the problem - I had been pumped so full of antibiotics that my skin smelled like a pill bottle and still I had so much infection that my contractions wouldn't stop. Finally they did. Ironically enough we went home from the hospital on 07/10/07 - the day that we were to go to my appt. and make sure all was well. I never saw my regular Dr. throughout the entire process. The Dr.who delivered said that the infection caused all of this. My family Dr. recommended this practice - they have 7 Doctors and normally you rotate throught them all. But, I chose to go to the new office that was 20 minutes closer to my house. This office only had one doctor - the one who ignored my complaints about an infection. I went through all of this to save 20 minutes each visit! I will always feel guilt for that! It took me 8 weeks and one operation to recover after delivering my precious angel. I never heard from or saw my dr. actually after 3 weeks I called in and was in severe pain - he was the doc. on call and he told the nurse to tell me to take advil - advil? I am convinced that he is an idiot! We did love the Dr. that delivered Jaxon - she switched practices right after this - I went to her and she said that this all could have been prevented with antibiotics and increased fluids. We got a copy of my chart and they never documented that I complained of an infection - so I had no proof to take any legal action.
We had a beautiful memorial service for him at our church - I thought we would have maybe 40-50 people show up - we had 150+. It was such a bitter sweet day! I finally let go of the anger and realized that no matter how much I feel that my Dr. failed me it will never bring my Jaxon back. I miss him so much and love him with all of my heart, mind and soul! I long to hold him, snuggle him, smell him, and kiss him! I can't wait for the day when I can do that! If you've made it this far thank you for reading! I pray for you all everyday, I am so sorry for your losses.
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miandra
Full Member
Lean not on your own understanding...
Posts: 102
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Post by miandra on Dec 31, 2007 19:26:44 GMT -5
We are getting closer to the day of burying my nephew. I will look back on this board one year from now to see how I feel Rigtnow just disbelief and like watching TV from afar a horrible show at that
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Post by heidiforever on Dec 31, 2007 22:46:46 GMT -5
Oh, Erin...just ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))...horrible!
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Post by erin24 on Jan 2, 2008 12:05:32 GMT -5
Heidi, thank you for reading - I know it was long! Thanks for the hugs - it's amazing how comforting a hug can be through a computer screen! The story of your precious babies breaks my heart - no one deserves such tragedy - esp. someone with a heart like yours!
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aurora25
Full Member
My precious little angel Chloe. Forever loved and missed.
Posts: 473
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Post by aurora25 on Jan 2, 2008 12:36:52 GMT -5
(((Erin))) I am so sorry for your loss, and I understand all to well the horrible mistakes that can be made by Dr's. My Chloe would be here today if it wasn't for a Dr/hospital screw up. It makes me so sad that you couldn't get justice (not that it will bring Jaxon back, but it sure feels good). In my case the Dr, Hospital, and radiologist paid a very high price for their screw up. I am sending you so many hugs, lots of love, prayers, and positive thoughts!! Thank you so much for sharing your precious Jaxon with us. Much love Erin
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Post by heidiforever on Jan 2, 2008 17:55:17 GMT -5
Oh Erin, my heart is only the way it is now because of my kids, having them, loving them...and losing them.
I'm glad you have found some comfort here.
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miandra
Full Member
Lean not on your own understanding...
Posts: 102
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Post by miandra on Jan 3, 2008 5:56:28 GMT -5
Emmanuel means God is with us and that is how I see Emmanuel. He will always be with us. I wish you all could have seen him yesterday. The only thing missing was his cherubic smile. I pray every day for guidance and deliverance because I am so angry. It is not right that he is gone.
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Post by erin24 on Jan 3, 2008 12:10:38 GMT -5
(((Miandra))) I'm so sorry for your loss! I will be praying for peace for you and your family! Again I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Emanuel!
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Post by heidiforever on Jan 3, 2008 15:23:52 GMT -5
Oh Miandra, I am so sorry. I love his name! I've only met one other person with that name, and I can't help but think how perfect it is.
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aurora25
Full Member
My precious little angel Chloe. Forever loved and missed.
Posts: 473
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Post by aurora25 on Jan 3, 2008 16:42:39 GMT -5
I also love his name!! I am so sorry for your loss, but please know that you are in my thoughts and my prayers! Much love Erin
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miandra
Full Member
Lean not on your own understanding...
Posts: 102
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Post by miandra on Jan 7, 2008 19:55:07 GMT -5
Yes he was a beautiful child. Take a look at his smile. He was always showing off his dimples!
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Post by missingisaiah on Jan 7, 2008 20:18:10 GMT -5
Awww. How cute! So sorry for your loss.
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