Post by kissrebellion on Sept 14, 2017 4:05:38 GMT -5
I am currently in one of my first serious committed relationships, per normal for someone in their early 20’s and have been on BC for five months. He and I are very invested and in love with each other, he’s someone I intend on building a life with. So of course we’ve raved at the idea of both marriage and children. However, our current situation would be very bad timing... that didn’t make it any lest devastating.
About a month ago my period came a few days earlier than expected; it was much lighter than usual and lasted only a day or two. It wasn’t that abnormal to me because mine only last three days as is. The strange part is that this month it had seemed to come early again. This time with some minor spotting and tissue.. however it became extremely heavy the next day, and finally yesterday I passed a big amount of tissue. It was almost not detectable but putting together the two odd periods and symptoms I’d been getting I went to the doctor. Surely enough it was an early miscarriage.
He seems to be taking it better than me, but I know it’s hurting him too. I’m trying to be strong for the both of us but it hurts to know our life was inside of me and I didn’t even know it. Now it’s gone. I guess he figures it’s easier because I didn’t know, but it’s tearing me apart on the inside.
I’ve had ovarian cysts since I was 15 and my biggest fear has always been whether I would be able to have a child or not. 3 days ago I found out not only was I pregnant but I had had a miscarriage. I’m mourning the loss of a child I didn’t know existed. I’m watching everyday as I’m still losing the child. I keep imagining the possibilities of if I had my child to term. More than anything I’ve wanted a baby and to know that I didn’t get to celebrate my pregnancy. I’ve considered naming my baby so I can honor it. I just don’t know if this will help or hurt more