Post by jezebel on Feb 1, 2016 12:03:17 GMT -5
I reckon it all came to a head this year I was loosing my mind I don't know what it was everything and anything was setting me off , My poor husband anything he said everything he said I just got crying nothing he could say I just got crying I was loosing my battle I felt my mind was going reality and fantasy was coming together I was in the grips of not knowing if it was or wasn't so I cry silently for so long I suffer silently in the bathtub the only place I knew my husband couldn't see me and cry till I couldn't cry no more. Ever since my son died I had felt he was somewhere it was not real he was put in the ground oh I know you all told me it was normal but was it normal for so many year to hold hope for so long Dang and to think for some unknown reason he was somewhere not that he was held against his will or just floating about not dead but just out there I don't know amnesia maybe I swear I was out of my mind. I really thought I needed professional help REALLY. Well when I was young single digits 6 7 8 9 year old I had capgras syndrome this is where you think a famly member is replace by a duplicate well I thought my folks were replace with looks a likes I have no clue as to why but I look for them all over I thought they were tied up in the house so I looked upstairs under beds in the unfinished room upstairs and all over but of course I never found them then one day I didn't think it ever again and I thought maybe that this with thinking my son being someplace might c=go the same way just one day it would all stop and I wouldn't think of it
A few days after Christmas that is what happened I didn't feel like David was out there any more but then there was something else odd when I was young my mother had beaten me my father had called me bad thing and my sister had treated me poorly I was teased when I was in school but the odd thing is I can recall all this but not like be for not in such detail it is like most of it has been erased all the bad in life my life is gone I don't know how to explain it I think I had a nervous break down in this time before all this I had been to the doctor Neurologist he told me I had been taking seizures and couldn't drive for 6 mos this means I couldn't go to see my son in PA and I had a MRI which shows I have CEREBELLAR ASTROPHY which is to have something to do with my ordination speech and something else I am to get pain shots in my back and not long ago I had a seizure where I fell off the toilet and hurt my arm and my husband had to take off from work for a week then another week he had to have a glitch in his heart fix so with all this going on I think with all the stress I think I had a short circut and I had a stroke or a seizure and now it has took the memories but I have most of the good memories which on the other hand I am now beginning to remember good memories of my mother which I couldn't remember before
I don't know I don't know what to think I don't think I need a shrink or help any more I am over the patch and the bad memories are gone and I am beginning to remember more and more good memories of stuff I didn't of my mother I could before I don't cry like before at everything my poor husband he tell me we need cat food and I cry we need butter I cry I stub my foot oh now that I laughed I still think that was funny but he didn't know what to do so I don't know do you think I had a break down a stroke or something just snapped ??
Rhayden
A few days after Christmas that is what happened I didn't feel like David was out there any more but then there was something else odd when I was young my mother had beaten me my father had called me bad thing and my sister had treated me poorly I was teased when I was in school but the odd thing is I can recall all this but not like be for not in such detail it is like most of it has been erased all the bad in life my life is gone I don't know how to explain it I think I had a nervous break down in this time before all this I had been to the doctor Neurologist he told me I had been taking seizures and couldn't drive for 6 mos this means I couldn't go to see my son in PA and I had a MRI which shows I have CEREBELLAR ASTROPHY which is to have something to do with my ordination speech and something else I am to get pain shots in my back and not long ago I had a seizure where I fell off the toilet and hurt my arm and my husband had to take off from work for a week then another week he had to have a glitch in his heart fix so with all this going on I think with all the stress I think I had a short circut and I had a stroke or a seizure and now it has took the memories but I have most of the good memories which on the other hand I am now beginning to remember good memories of my mother which I couldn't remember before
I don't know I don't know what to think I don't think I need a shrink or help any more I am over the patch and the bad memories are gone and I am beginning to remember more and more good memories of stuff I didn't of my mother I could before I don't cry like before at everything my poor husband he tell me we need cat food and I cry we need butter I cry I stub my foot oh now that I laughed I still think that was funny but he didn't know what to do so I don't know do you think I had a break down a stroke or something just snapped ??
Rhayden