placental accreta or uterine rupture? (loss ment'd)

[jillybean]

I suffered a placental accreta with my last pg just over 2 years ago. Unfortunately our baby girl did not survive. I had life threatening complications when my uterus ruptured while they were trying to remove the placenta & I hemorrhaged. I had 11 units of blood transfused, a collapsed lung, spent a week in the ICU and days on a ventilator. Despite all that I still have this internal struggle. I think about trying to have a baby again every day. I'm terrified of the possible complications but can't imagine never experiencing all the miracles that come with creating new life, never feeling a baby kick again, never holding a new little person for the first time. I know I'm blessed to have my 3 living children & to still be here to be their Mom but I love children & I've always wanted a big family. The specialist said that I could try for one more, that I'd be high-risk & that they'd take every necessary precaution to make sure to prevent hemorrhage (serial monitoring, c-section delivery @ 36-37wks). Am I tempting fate here? Should I just try to accept that I'm lucky to be here and having another child is not in my future. My surgeon worked so hard to save my uterus, she spent 3 hours just trying to stop the bleeding, when any other Dr in the practice would've performed an immediate hysterectomy. Knowing that adds to my struggle. I'm blessed that she was compassionate & struggled to leave me whole, despite the recommendations of other surgeons, just so that I would still have the choice.

Has anyone here ever had a placental accreta or uterine rupture and gone on to have a successful pregnancy?
Sorry for the long post, I just don't know anyone to talk to about this who can even come close to understanding what I'm struggling with.
Thank you!
~Jillian