I don't know how....

[judiann]

I'm tired, worn out... the past 10 years have been a very bad dream... the past 6 months have been a nightmare. It's almost 3 months since Mom died....the 13th.

Don't understand why ppl want to ARGUE with me....pick a fight, pick on me, tell me how Wrong i was....for WHAT??? doing what she asked me to do?? for over 10 years??

i did everything she wanted, all she asked....yet i'm the bad guy.

it'd really wrecking me.....my guilt is unbearable.

i have to stop now....too harsh

judiann

[toxophilite]

Dearest Judiann
You are too hard on yourself. Try and ignore people who don't understand.
No matter how old we are, we still miss our mothers.
YOU know you did nothing wrong, anyone who says otherwise is not worth knowing.
Multiple losses are going to be harder, just know that you have many really caring friends out here in cyberspace' You can vent here any time you feel the need.
Many hugs and lots of love, Janet.

[jezebel]

I am sorry to hear you are having a rough time with people I agree to stay away from people eho say anything of a negative, You did all you could do and what can anyone do for their parent. Don't associate with anyone that says you are in the wrong tell them you have to do some thing or go somewhere or just walk off. People are cuel and it is a shame they have to be so mean. Wishing you well I wish I could say more to you but I am rotten at trying to cheer people up but I am here trying.

Rhayden

[joan]

Wrote a post and lost it. ((((((judiann)))) guilt is part of grief. Whoever criticises hasn't walked in your shoes. You know what you did. Please just let the guilt go. You don't deserve it!
(((((((hugs)))))
Joan

She Let Go

She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.
She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.
She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.
Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.