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Post by jezebel on Jun 18, 2012 12:05:26 GMT -5
I have been doing pretty well but now I have to make room to put things in a room we are to go bad to the House in PA and get some furniture I want and I have to put things in a box I am cleaning out a box that should of went to PA to David but seemed not to have the cash to send it I am going through the container and I came across a power rangers comforter he used it when he was young. I have been doing fairly well but the memories of him and me watching them and going to the the first movie of the power ranger are just flooding me. I thought I had it beat but I reckon not.
When I go to the house to collect things this will be the last time I go to the house it is to be sold AS IS and this is a upset to we have had this house for a life time it feels and I knew one day we would sell it but not under term like this. My son was so good and I seem to regret a a little and sometimes I am glad I didn't go see the body some may think I should of but I don't think I could of handled how he was burnt up my husband had a dream of David, My husband and I was on my love seat and David appeared my husband said this woke up up, I said what did David say he said he woke up to fast I said how did David look did he weight a lot? My husband said he didn't weight so much. I then got crying he said I knew I shouldn't of told you I said YES you should he has made contact with you he liked you a lot.
I later told my husband it was not tears of sorrow but of joy he contacted one of us. I have yet to see him in a dream. I have had dreams where I thought I saw him and I saw his jacket and I think a reference to David I had a dream of a puppy bulldog his favorite dog was a bulldog and he would go play with the puppies in the local pet shop I think the pup was that I had said in the dream my son would of like you so in the dream I must of knew David was gone.
Does everyone have moments that you go through something of your child and just break down??
Rhayden
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Post by myangelamanda on Jun 19, 2012 18:10:41 GMT -5
((((((((Hugs to you, Rhayden)))))))))))
I am so sorry for the loss of your son, David, and your dad. I've read all your posts but just haven't had time to write to you until now.
Dear Rhayden ... Every single one of us has moments where we think of our child and break down. I really wish you didn't know this pain. It is a pain that is just so unbearable ... so unthinkable ... so hard to understand ... our pain is like no other pain I've ever experienced on this earth. That is how painful loosing our child is. There are no words to even do it justice.
You WILL dream of your sweet David. You will. The dreams will come. I think my first dream was well after a year. I had friends who barely knew my daughter come up to me and tell me they had a dream of her and I was always wishing I would. It was nice to know they saw her ... but I wanted to see her!!!! I was happy when my husband would dream of her ... but still ... I WANTED TO SEE HER!!! I think once I stopped trying so hard and stopped wishing away every single dream is when I was able to dream the sweetest dream ever ... it was just a long process getting to that point.
((((Rhayden)))) I wish for you to have the sweetest dream ever tonight or tomorrow or the next day or even next year. David loves you. I know you know that. He always loves you and is always with you ... by your side in all you do ... he is a part of you and always will be your sweet little boy ... and breaking down because your child is no longer here on earth but in Heaven with God is not only normal but completely OK.
I smiled reading all about David's love of Power Rangers. Memories are always so difficult, but there's just something even more challenging when we deal with memories of someone where all we have are memories and nothing more ever again. It sucks.
((((((hugs)))))) and sweet dreams. I hope David makes an appearance in your dreams soon ~
~michele
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Post by joan on Jun 19, 2012 22:57:43 GMT -5
absolutely, Rhayden - and after nearly ten years it still can happen, though not as often, Triggers, like the comforter, bring memories, and pain flooding back. You will likely never "have this beat". I think the grief walks with us the rest of our lives, and that our children are not so far away, even though we cannot see them.
I too wish you a dream of your David. I know it would help.
hugs
Joan
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Post by jezebel on Jun 20, 2012 8:07:41 GMT -5
thanks, I thought this would stop that I had it under control but seeing the comforter just got it going again. I had so much palnned for David to come out here and I dreaded to terll dad he was to come to live with me in NC and dad never found out while he was on earth I reckon he knows now huh what we were planning.
I know I will never get over this I thought it would be less of a struggle I guess you call it but I see the stuggle is not over yet it has been almost two months and I still am having difficult days,My hsband understands he can feel the pain I have but I am sure he feel for me. He has had 4 years are David and thought not his kid I know he feel like me a loss.
I had thought if I stopp trying sdo hard maybe I will dream of David I don't know if you will understand how I get this in but try to understand me you know when you are trying to get pregnant and you try for so long and then you figuree it will not happen and then one day BOOM you are pregnant I figure maybe this will how it will be when I finally give up and figure it will not happen I will have a dream of David.
It just is not fair he was so good and he put up with so much and never gave me anything to say that was bad about him not many can say this about their kids. and all you that have kids that are just like this know what I mean. He never cried about wanting certain things never buck about anything if it wasn't it wasn't and if it was it was. He didn't care if you couldn't send christmas thing out didn't matter if you can send birthday out he just said it is ok and he understands he called me all the time sometimes twice he told me of when dad fell or drove on the worng side of the road or when dad wasn't eatinf or sleeping too much. he watched or dad ( which we both call dad dad) it was easier this way he knew who I was talking about.
Do you you think David had to die since he was with dad for so long and dad couldn't be without David. I thought while drivingout we wouold put both in the ground and after seeing dad I was pretty sure. I can't tell you it is not a easy job for anyone to take a loved one of life support andmy sister had a hard time she kept saying tomorrow he will be sitting up eating jello I told her to just be now and don't go further because you may be disappointed. I have been through a few times with my husband his mothe and father is gone and they get better and then crash I tried to tell my sister this that dad will seem to get better but then he can crash and brace yourself for what can happen. When I found my father had died I thinkm I was so much in shock I didn't even cry I thought it was good dad was gone.
He had a catheder in him and he was always in pain he would go to the doctor and he compliant day and night when he was sleeping my son wouldn't wake him UNLESS he had to which was not much he let him sleep so he didn't hear dad fussing I would to. maybe they had to die together to think maybe dad and david had to be together in death to?
Rhayden
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