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Post by missingisaiah on Dec 19, 2011 23:27:31 GMT -5
I want Isaiah back right now. I miss him so much. The pain is nearly unendurable.
I'm back to having trouble sleeping, back to having flashbacks. I don't want to be in that place again. I don't want to be on this grief journey anymore.
I don't want to be one of the too many who knows what it's like to lose a child. I want to be naive again. I want to assume my children will outlive me.
I just want my son.
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Post by jaredsmommyforever on Dec 20, 2011 1:20:21 GMT -5
I'm so sorry you are in so much pain and that you are without your precious Isaiah. I know overwhelming grief can come in waves, and I hope this wave eases soon.
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Post by myangelamanda on Dec 20, 2011 7:53:55 GMT -5
((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))) I hope this wave eases soon too. They're just absolutely horrific when you're in the middle of it with no room to breathe and only room to remember the flashbacks we've worked so hard at suppressing.
((((((((Brenda)))))))))) many of us found the 5 year mark incredibly challenging ... as if yet another protective "layer" was removed ... I don't know yet if it's the final layer ... but it's a huge one. I think back to that time and I can feel the raw emotion all over again ... the reality ... the nightmare as if I were watching my own life's story over and over and over again like Groundhog's Day (the movie). It's a monumental mark for so much in life ... 5 years ... we count everything we do and normally celebrate such monumental moments ... loosing a child is the only thing NOT EVER WORTH celebrating so it's natural to hit so hard.
I hope the wave does ease. It will take time and you will have to endure, yet again, the unendurable ... and you will come out of it, but while you're in it we're here for you.
xox
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Post by drummerca35 on Dec 20, 2011 13:46:26 GMT -5
It's such a horrible thing that's happened to us. I know what you mean, wanting to be in the "BEFORE" and not the "AFTER". I am hoping this pain subsides as best it can in time.
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Post by weeblemom on Dec 20, 2011 23:28:04 GMT -5
I'm sorry that Isaiah's loss is hitting you especially hard right now. It is just wrong on every level, in every way. So many days you should have had to carry him in your arms, but instead you have grief to carry. I wish I could help. I miss that innocence too, when surviving the grief was not part of our lives. I wish we could all go back there. I am saying extra prayers for you today. (((((HUGS)))))
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Post by missingisaiah on Dec 21, 2011 21:13:09 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for being here for me. It's so hard. My husband and I talk a little bit about my grief, but not much. Some times we grieve together. Other times, like now, we grieve separately.
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Post by drummerca35 on Dec 22, 2011 13:34:44 GMT -5
Thanks everyone for being here for me. It's so hard. My husband and I talk a little bit about my grief, but not much. Some times we grieve together. Other times, like now, we grieve separately. I really hear you on this. My wife and I had to grieve separately. After our child was murdered, I was in the hospital for months. She had to grieve without me being there, and me without her. We seem to be on different times/flows with the grief. Some of the time, I was the one needed comforting, sometimes her, but less often both of us at the same time. We both have the ache in our hearts for our daughter, and both miss and long for her. Always will. She holds on the hope that we see her "after this". I try to, but am less sure. She tells me that's what "faith is all about." |
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