I would like advice from Birthmoms and others

[shelliton]

I think since you were initially contacted by her mother, her mother would be a good place to aim these questions. She'll have a better idea of what her daughter is capable of dealing with at this time and she will likely have more answers for you.

I can tell you that the feelings of loss associated with placing my son with an adoptive couple were very similar to the feelings of loss associated with my recent miscarriage. And that, through it all, it's been an amazing journey that I would repeat in a heart beat. One thing that sticks out for me is that the couple I had picked out really wanted to get to know me as a person - it became more like all of us gaining distant family members instead of an open and shut thing.

[kjb96a]

Wow! Thank you for sharing!

I understand every adoption case is a different story/journey.

At first we were very upset with our ds's birth mother when he was born. Not only did she not have any prenatal care, she also drank and did cocaine the whole pg until she overdosed. Canaan was born 6 weeks premature as well as having 15% absorbsion of cocaine in his system. No adoptive families would take him the night he was born. Although she finally picked us from a book only because of the state we lived in (NM), she didn't want to have anything to do with us when we got there in FL. She never held the baby until we got there and only because the adoption agency and us insisted to make sure this is what she wanted to do (even though the state was pressing that if she didn't give him up for adoption, she'd go to jail). She was more interested in watching tv than talking and getting to know us. The only thing she wanted from us for the first 2 years was pictures.

Dh and I were very upset by her reaction to us and the baby. But later I realized after we took ds home and how I could never give him up because I was his mommy and loved him more than anything was that she had to detach herself from all of this. Although I don't get why she acted the way she did, I understand.

I love our ds's birthmother for giving us the most amazing gift we've ever received. And now that he's almost 3 years old, I still love her and pray for her. I would have loved to have a relationship with her sharing the joys of our ds but instead I pray for her and the other children she has.

What you said about your feelings of giving your son up was like the loss in a miscarriage, I hadn't ever thought about that. I'm so sorry for your losses! But I thank you for sharing your experience!

[marianne]

re;no prenatal care; he looks like it made no difference!!!!
Time for a more recent photo? ( does he still look just like you )