I need your input, please

[Clara Hinton]

Dear Friends of Silent Grief,

For several months, I have noticed that we have quite a few boards NOT being used any more. At one time they were appropriate, but our needs change, and I think the time has come for me to do some updating.

Questions: Which boards do you think we can elminate? Do you have a suggestion for any "new boards" to be added to our chat boards?

Please respond here so that everyone can see, and hopefully, a decision can be made rather quickly so that I can update this section of the site and make it more appropriate to each one's needs.

Thanks so much!

Love,
Clara

[ty'smommy]

Im new to the site but i have seen previous suggestions to an adoption or surrogacy board. I think this would be a great idea for some of us who might end up going that way.

[lindac]

I think a board for adoption or surrogacy would be great. I wondered how some boards might be combined such as Share with us, Reaching Out and Potpourri. The military board doesn't seem to see much action. I also thought about how to combine loyc with lota as there is already interaction with a bunch of us but don't know how others might feel or how it could be named. I think less boards could be a good thing and would be easier to use rather than trying to figure out where certain things fit. No matter how it works out you can't please everyone. I'll be interested to see how others feel. Could you possibly do a thread for each board and sticky it asking people to look here?

[Clara Hinton]

Thanks so much for these suggestions. I think we've had more than ample requests for an adoption board, so I see no problem with adding that.

Help me out.......what would the surrogacy board look like? Would that be combined with the adoption board? Separate? Give me some more details on that, please. Thanks!

Linda, I'm going to go on down through all of the boards and check activity on them and possibly combine a couple (as you suggested). And, I totally agree......less is better than more. I personally feel that too many boards are far too confusing and it gets more difficult to make close friends that way.

Love,
Clara
PS Yes, I'll sticky my request for input on all of the boards.

[candace]

I also like the idea for an adoption board. Could it be combined with surrogacy as a board for new avenues after ttc? Sorry, but I can't think of the right phrase for it.

[Trevon&Nevaeh'smommy]

this is good clara! how about a moving on board? i know for me i dont go to the sb board anymore....its just a constant reminder...like "omg...i had a stillborn" not saying i will EVER forget my son, but i feel that im strong enough in my grief and if i go back to the sb board, it will tear me back down. but i still have issues about it...so, where do i post it at? ttc if i am @ the time (wich i am) pal if im there (hope to be there soon ) and i know its wrong to talk about it at PAL and scare some ppl while pg ( for instance if another sister only had a m/c -im not downgrading their grief- and just recently gotten pg and i was pg and startd talking about my fears of having another s/b i would add new fears to her too). all the girls have been more than supportive of my grief wherever i type it but i know sometimes ppl dont want to hear it if its not on the appropiate board (out of fear of course) maybe we can sticky these topics "moving on after a m/c." "moving on after multiple m/c" "moving on after a s/b" "moving on after loosing an older child" so that everyone can have a post to reply to and can click to read if chosen to. i know some women have left in the past b/c they have moved on and came back when they need s/g, maybe this will give them a reason to stay if they have a board that fits them b/c they have moved on and fear if they post to any pg loss board it will hinder their grieving process and they wont feel trapped in their lives...idk just a thought i suppose

[Clara Hinton]

Okay, for sure, I'll add an "adoption board".....I know from past requests that we really, really need that.

Crystal, I get what you're saying/requesting......and I need to think about just how to do that. We currently have a "moving on" board, but it's not used very often (most likely because of the way I have it worded, as well as the location). I'll give this some more thought as to how I can do this.

Any other ideas? Also, are there any boards that you all can live without? I notice that there are several that hardly get used at all. I don't want to elimate boards that you want; on the other hand, I see no purpose to keep the boards that aren't being used.

Keep the input coming. Thanks so much!

Love,
Clara

[Hayley's Mom]

I've noticed that often topics are double posted across the single miscarriage and multiple miscarriage boards, and many of the visitors to both boards are the same. Others that only stay on the board that is more appropriate to their situation may miss out on meeting some good friends and getting helpful advice from not cross-posting. So I wonder if it would be useful to combine both boards into a single Miscarriage forum?

Although there seem to be several boards kind of related to this, I think it would be nice to have a board simply for general off-topic discussions and advice, about things like our jobs, relationship issues, or other news not directly related to having a m/c. I know there is the Potpourri board, but it feels more like chit-chat most of the time, not a place for serious advice on off-topic issues.

I agree with Crystal's suggestion as well. I know that would be helpful for me personally, since I'm at a sort of "moving on" stage myself. I want to keep in touch with my SG friends, but it has been 2 1/2 months and I'm starting to feel good enough to not need the grief support boards as much. However, because of health issues, I can't move into the TTC board yet, and the "Moving Forward" board seems to be about choosing to never have more children, so I feel like I don't particularly belong anywhere.

[Clara Hinton]

Mandy,
Thank you for your input. I'm beginning to "get it" as to what you all need for that "inbetween time" following loss.....not ready to TTC yet, but not needing to still be on the m/c or other loss boards, and still wanting and needing the support and friendship from your friends.

Let me put my brain to work and see what I can come up with.

Again, thanks for your input. Also, I'll try to work on re-wording a board so that it makes more sense other than "potpourri".

Love,
Clara

[Clara Hinton]

Please note that we now have an adoption board. I removed the potpourri board, and will revamp that to better fit your needs.

Love,
Clara
PS Pass the word to your friends about the adoption board. Thanks!

[bbear]

i pop around although i tech am a mom after loss, but love so many of the ttc and pal girls i cant stay away from them! typing 1 handed with a fussy boy in my arms so punctation and sp not great. a sg sister board may be a good place for us who want to chat OT but keep up. i don't think multiple mc and miscarriage boards should be combined for those seeking to ttc after loss it may cause extra fear and stress to those with single losses. seems to me like the I had eptopic board isn't really active so maybe just let the ?'s and support for all early losses be on the miscarriage boards (ex ectopic, miscarriage and chem pg all early loss together) this could leave a space for offtopic sister page where all members chat if u are leaning towards that suggestion.

just want to THANK YOU for SG! this has been a lifeline for me off and on for soon to be 5 yr in july! the short time the boards were down i missed them much! i am really greatful to have found this site and have referred others to it and have gotten to meet one sg sister in person so thank you so much Clara!!!!

[ty'smommy]

I do agree that we need a board of "transitions" of sorts. For those in between losses but not TTC yet, this can be combined with a board where the girls just chat and catch up and talk about other things not necessarily related to loss, though those should be welcome too. It can be a board to talk about life rship, marriage etc. Like some of the girls said I'm to the point where I'm grieving but not so much but I still need support. Sometimes my heart breaks reading about newer losses and sometimes I'm strong enough to give a word of encouragement but somedays I feel like I regressed. I hope you understand this and no one thinks I'm insensitive to newer losses.
I'm happy about the adoption board. Again like someone already said it might be a good idea to combine it with the surrogacy board for now and let's see how that works. It can be an alternative way to be parents, though I don't know to phrase that and find a be-fitting name.

As for the boards not much in use, I wanna say the "moving on board" and the military board. I hope I'm not offending anyone in saying this but I think it was like you mentioned that with time our needs have changed and I think that might be the case with the millitary board.

[ty'smommy]

I had previously thought that we could do away with the multiple miscarriages board but I realise that there are very many causes for miscarriages and some women have multiple losses that are not even related. I think we should keep them both. I think the reason for cross posting is not feeling like there is enough support in one board and that happens. In my case it did. While I technically had a still-birth at the time I joined the site I didn't feel like I was getting the support I needded there and I started cross posting in the M/C board and it has helped me very much. I have made great friends in the M/C board and it has helped my grief. Also the cause for my los (an incompetent cervix) was something some ladies in the M/C board experienced so I did fit right in.

[Debs]

I cross post between the two miscarriage boards because I have a lot of answers to questions on IHAM. However, I keep my personal posts to MTOM, because I worry that my long history of m/c will scare some people to death, despite the fact that most of those with their first m/c will go on to have a healthy pregnancy next time. I do support those on iham, but I think the two boards are a good idea in case the things posted on MTOM are too hard to read for some.

I like the idea of an "sg sisters" board, where everyone can go to post OT things. A lot of this kind of stuff ends up on MAL, but I have good friends on here who do not feel they belong on MAL. I would love there to be a place for everyone to "meet".

I would also like the "prayers" board to be moved up a bit toward the top of the page. I understand why it is where it is, but since most of the boards after "special needs" don't see a lot of movement, I forget to scroll down. I feel so bad when I notice a post from a friend in need several days after a post.

Boy, I am opinionated, aren't I?!?

[savannahsmom]

I think combining the LOYC and LOTA board would be a good idea. I have made several friends on the LOTA board but often forget to go there and read their posts. I then see something days after it happened and feel bad that I was not there to support them as they have been for me.

I also like the idea of having an SG sisters type board. I got MAL alot but I rarely post my own posts because I dont really feel like I fit in there. I comment on others but only on those that I know. I dont feel comfortable commenting to some about topics I know nothing about but I still want to be there for them too.

I also want to say a HUGE thank you for this place. I came here due to a friends suggestion the day I lost my daughter. I came here the very next day in less than 24 hrs of losing her. This place has been my saving grace more than once. I also have met a mother from this board. I hope to meet a few more

Thank you,, Clara!!!