Post by susie on Jan 6, 2015 22:35:24 GMT -5
Hello,
I am brand new to this forum, but I just felt like I needed to post somewhere that today was the due date for my baby that I lost last June. I actually didn't think about it at all today until I got home from work and my husband asked me how I was doing. It hit me more right before Christmas - thinking about how I had been expecting to be almost 9 months pregnant at Christmas . I hadn't cried about it in months, but I had many tearful days through December.
This is such a good name for this website. I am mostly silent about it because I don't want to cry in front of people. I also (wrongly I know) feel like I don't really have the right to be so sad. You see, I am 47 years old and I already have 4 children. My youngest is now 16 and I just went back to work last year- ready to enter a new phase in life. I was excited about all of the changes. Then, I very unexpectedly found out I was pregnant! My husband and I were both instantly thrilled. I knew immediately I would quit my job and be a stay at home mom again. Even though I was sad to leave my students and school, I thought this was like an extra blessing from God.
At 9 1/2 weeks I started spotting- 4 days later, a complete miscarriage. I was so sad- and the process was so difficult physically- that surprised me. I look back now and marvel that I only lived with the excitement of another baby for one month- and yet it has produced a deep sadness within me.
Everything had been turned upside down- I had quit my job- it was the end of the school year, so I felt I had to tell them- and then,just a month later everything was back to the 'original plan.' They gave me my job back, thankfully, and it was like it never happened- sort of.
Another part that is hard is that we are obviously not trying to still have another baby. I'm 47! It would be ridiculous. Yet,I feel like most women deal with miscarriage by trying to get pregnant again.
I had been perfectly happy with the fact that my kids were really growing up- one out of the house, 2 in college, last one in high school. Then this pregnancy got me all turned around- that we would get to do it all again- and then the harsh reality... No, you are too old for that! Get a grip! And you already have 4 children- count your blessings! (Some bizarre inner voice says this to me as a different inner voice says- I wanted that baby!'
Anyway... I just wanted to post somewhere... My baby was due today.
Thanks if you read all of this. I assume you have had a miscarriage too-please know I am praying for you tonight and even though you feel so very alone- you are not alone.
I am brand new to this forum, but I just felt like I needed to post somewhere that today was the due date for my baby that I lost last June. I actually didn't think about it at all today until I got home from work and my husband asked me how I was doing. It hit me more right before Christmas - thinking about how I had been expecting to be almost 9 months pregnant at Christmas . I hadn't cried about it in months, but I had many tearful days through December.
This is such a good name for this website. I am mostly silent about it because I don't want to cry in front of people. I also (wrongly I know) feel like I don't really have the right to be so sad. You see, I am 47 years old and I already have 4 children. My youngest is now 16 and I just went back to work last year- ready to enter a new phase in life. I was excited about all of the changes. Then, I very unexpectedly found out I was pregnant! My husband and I were both instantly thrilled. I knew immediately I would quit my job and be a stay at home mom again. Even though I was sad to leave my students and school, I thought this was like an extra blessing from God.
At 9 1/2 weeks I started spotting- 4 days later, a complete miscarriage. I was so sad- and the process was so difficult physically- that surprised me. I look back now and marvel that I only lived with the excitement of another baby for one month- and yet it has produced a deep sadness within me.
Everything had been turned upside down- I had quit my job- it was the end of the school year, so I felt I had to tell them- and then,just a month later everything was back to the 'original plan.' They gave me my job back, thankfully, and it was like it never happened- sort of.
Another part that is hard is that we are obviously not trying to still have another baby. I'm 47! It would be ridiculous. Yet,I feel like most women deal with miscarriage by trying to get pregnant again.
I had been perfectly happy with the fact that my kids were really growing up- one out of the house, 2 in college, last one in high school. Then this pregnancy got me all turned around- that we would get to do it all again- and then the harsh reality... No, you are too old for that! Get a grip! And you already have 4 children- count your blessings! (Some bizarre inner voice says this to me as a different inner voice says- I wanted that baby!'
Anyway... I just wanted to post somewhere... My baby was due today.
Thanks if you read all of this. I assume you have had a miscarriage too-please know I am praying for you tonight and even though you feel so very alone- you are not alone.
