Miscarriage-then boyfriend abandoned me

[lunabutter]

I lost my baby almost a month ago. When I found out I was miscarrying my boyfriend stopped talking to me and all communication was initiated by me. I haven't seen him since before it happened so I know we're over but I don't understand why he disappears... I know he was going to divorce and had a whole bunch of other stuff including his own children to deal with, but to abandon me when I needed him most is heartbreaking. I kept the pregnancy secret for him and no one knows what I've gone through except for three rather far away friends. I've not had anyone to talk to and have suffered through this on my own, often saving my tears for late at night when my own children have gone to bed. Can anyone give me any insight as to why he would stop talking to me like this?

[libralise]

Hi Luna. My heart goes out to you after reading your message. That is a lot going on right there. I am so sorry that not only has all of this sadness come your way but that you are dealing with it basically in silence and in secret - a time when people can really benefit from support, and you are isolated somewhat in your grief because you were trying to protect your boyfriend.  Though you may not feel like it, I must say that you are a very strong woman to be carrying all of this around right now.  I am glad that you found this website and I hope that it can be of some support to you.  I have found it very helpful for my healing.  I have lost two babies.  I am also going through a really painful separation right now.  I have two children that are living, I share them with their father/my ex. 

I don't know what to say about the boyfriend... All I know is that right now, in my process of separation from my husband, that it is incredibly difficult (no two situations are the same) and that I find the burdens and sadness are so much that I really cannot take more on.  I have no idea about your boyfriend because I don't know him or the situation - but I know that I have far too much baggage right now for a relationship, far too much stress... Could it be that the stress of losing the baby on top of the stress of his divorce/ex/kids caused him to just completely "check out?"  It would be a selfish decision, absolutely, but maybe he felt like he just could not cope and so his solution was to just abandon you?  I don't know... but I am so sorry that has happened and that you are struggling with these compounded losses.  

I am glad that you have at least told a few friends and though they are far away, I hope it is helpful.  I attend a miscarriage/baby loss support group and it has been really healing for me.  I wonder if your city offers a similar program?  If you wish you can send me a private message and I will look into it for you, if you told me your location.

I will pray for you tonight Luna before I sleep, and again in the morning.

Much love.