Confused but still have hope

[suzette83]

I am a healthy 31 yr old who has had 2 previously healthy pregnancies resulting on the 2 most beautiful daughters anyone could ever ask for from a previous relatioship. However, my current partner and I have been trying to have a baby and this has resulted in a miscarrige on 03/11/2014 followed by a D&C on 03/14/2014 at 9wks. The doctor could not find a reason for the miscarrige no abnormalities after sending the tissue to the pathology lab. Doctor said not to worry that he was much certain next pregnancy would result in a successfull one that these things are more commomn than i thought. So here I am this past Wednesday night  (5 months after my mc)  we found out we were expecting again. Super excited I went to my OBGYN the next morning as soon as they opened with all 6 positive pregnancy home test I had taken the night before. Juts because of my miscarrige this past March she sent me to get my HCG levels checked and an Ultrasound. I took the Beta quant test that same  thursday they came back at 63 then I retook them Saturday came back at 70 and re took it Monday came back 105. I went to the doctor the same Monday and she explained to me the levels are supposed to double every 48hrs and mines even though they were rising they were not close to doubleing.  The doctor told me it doesnt look like this will turn into a normal healthy pregnancy that will continue. She is actually concerened that it may be an etopic pregnancy so she has me going back to gt another Ultrasound and more blood work this Saturday to locate the pregnancy and determine the next best step. I dont have any cramps or bleeding at all. I am having intense morning sickness and breast tenderness and falling asleep almost standing up. I seriously dont get it. I am so upset and confused. I NEVER thoguth this would happen to me specially twice! I feel like this is a cruel joke. Why am I able to get pregnant but God quickly takes it away? I dont get it. I dont know how to feel . If sad or angry or what?! Its so strange though becaue with the last mc I almost knew from the get go something wasnt right. I felt it almost from the begining in my gut but the doctor just told me I was paranoid and look I ended up being right. However, this time around if it wasnt for my HCG levels result I feel like this is a normal healthy pregnancy. I dont feel like its not going to progress. Is it just me in denial?! Am i just going crazy holding on to false hope?! I want to scream , cry , ask God why he is letting this happen to ME?!!!! I dont mean to get my frustrations out on here but I feel so alone on this. My partner is being as suportive as he can but he feels guilty for putting me through this he says. I tell him he cant control it neither one of us can. HELP