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Post by trisha on Jul 31, 2014 18:15:40 GMT -5
Last week I found out I was pregnant. Today I found out I had lost the baby, I was only three weeks. All I have done is cry. The doctor said you can try again, but I am 41 and have never had a child. I feel like I am getting to old. Any help would be appreciated.
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Post by libralise on Aug 3, 2014 19:01:17 GMT -5
Trisha I am so sorry to read what you wrote. It is so sad and from the bottom of my heart I am so sorry that you are going through this right now.
The doctor said you can try again and people will say something similar or other well-intended yet 'wrong' things as well. This was the baby that you thought you were going to have, the baby whose future you already were thinking about, and now the loss of that baby is paired with your thoughts of possible loss of motherhood all together. What a terrible burden that has been brought to you. I am so sorry.
I myself have had two miscarriages and I struggled so much in my attempts to heal from them. The first miscarriage I was a teenage girl and so it was kept an utter secret, and the second time happened before I was three months pregnant so we hadn't told our friends and I didn't think there was a point to afterwards, and my marriage had so much extreme stress in it already that I did not want to 'add' to our pile by discussing my sadness, so I shouldered it alone. Because I was so young when I miscarried the first time I did not properly grieve the loss or work through the emotions, so all that sadness was retriggered with my second miscarriage. It was a lot and I carried it alone and that was a grave mistake. You did not mention your partner so I do not know if you have good support in your life/relationship/family but I have found talking about things to be helpful (even though it was difficult for me to talk about, if I had the 'right' kind of listener and not someone who said the 'wrong' kind of things then I found it helpful). I wish I had known that there were support groups in my city for bereaved mothers. I volunteer now with my local Pregnancy and Infancy Loss network - perhaps your city has a similar type of group? We run support group meetings and offer telephone support. If you would like you can give me your location and I can look into it for you. If I had been able to have such support while I was grieving I think it would have made my healing much easier.
In terms of my blessed babies, I found that naming them helped me feel closer to them. I have named them and have images in my mind of who they are and what they look like. I also have a piece of commemorative jewellery that I wear all the time.
I hope that you have been able to get some sleep since Thursday. You said that you were crying nonstop. I don't expect things to have gotten much 'easier' since then but I hope that you are doing as well as you can be.
I will keep you in my prayers Trisha and I am sending loving and light your way.
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Post by trisha on Aug 10, 2014 13:16:02 GMT -5
Thank you for the prayers. My husband is very caring and supportive of me and went to my doctors appointment when I found out that I had a miscarriage. My doctor is wonderful and knows how to make you feel better. His office has even called me to see how I was doing. I have only told a few close friends and our parents. I have talked to a couple of close friends and have felt a little better. I even found that two of the friends also had miscarriages and that has helped a lot. I have not cried as much the past couple days. I know there are going to be good days and bad days. I am planning on naming the baby that I lost and doing something to remember the baby such as planting a tree in our yard or piece of jewelry.
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