Post by lee1974 on May 16, 2014 2:06:00 GMT -5
Hello, all...I'm new to this website, so I apologize in advance if this question has already been answered. I just want this pain to stop.
My son, Michael, was born 8 weeks premature on January 29th of this year. He also spent the first month of his life in the NICU. Long story short- he was well enough to go home at the beginning of March. He never showed any health problems, and he was a very good eater. Early morning on March 31st, I got up to give him his usual feeding, but he wasn't moving around like usual. I got a closer look and saw he wasn't breathing either. I picked him up, turned on the light, and saw that he had dried blood under his nose. His mom called 911, then we followed the ambulance to the hospital, where Mikey never recovered. The doctors told me (and the medical examiner later told me) that my son died in his crib. We found out later that he had an enlarged heart. He just barely celebrated two months on this earth.
Since that awful day, I can't handle being in public. I have many friends and family members who have supported me and love me, but I'm afraid to be in public because I'm afraid their consolations will make me break down and cry like a baby. I have been grieving for a month and a half, and every time I think I can handle the memories of my son, they come back to me like a flash flood. I hate the person I've become, and my loved ones miss the old me also. I am constantly hurting, and I want to be able to live my life again. I handled my dad dying when I was ten, I hurt like h*ll when my younger sister died when she was 18, and I grieved for my father figure when he died a couple of years ago. However, I can't get rif of that awful feeling that I constantly have since Mikey died. I don't want to get over him or forget about my son. I just want the memories of him to bring a smile to my face instead of tears.
Thank you in advance for any feedback,
Lee M.
My son, Michael, was born 8 weeks premature on January 29th of this year. He also spent the first month of his life in the NICU. Long story short- he was well enough to go home at the beginning of March. He never showed any health problems, and he was a very good eater. Early morning on March 31st, I got up to give him his usual feeding, but he wasn't moving around like usual. I got a closer look and saw he wasn't breathing either. I picked him up, turned on the light, and saw that he had dried blood under his nose. His mom called 911, then we followed the ambulance to the hospital, where Mikey never recovered. The doctors told me (and the medical examiner later told me) that my son died in his crib. We found out later that he had an enlarged heart. He just barely celebrated two months on this earth.
Since that awful day, I can't handle being in public. I have many friends and family members who have supported me and love me, but I'm afraid to be in public because I'm afraid their consolations will make me break down and cry like a baby. I have been grieving for a month and a half, and every time I think I can handle the memories of my son, they come back to me like a flash flood. I hate the person I've become, and my loved ones miss the old me also. I am constantly hurting, and I want to be able to live my life again. I handled my dad dying when I was ten, I hurt like h*ll when my younger sister died when she was 18, and I grieved for my father figure when he died a couple of years ago. However, I can't get rif of that awful feeling that I constantly have since Mikey died. I don't want to get over him or forget about my son. I just want the memories of him to bring a smile to my face instead of tears.
Thank you in advance for any feedback,
Lee M.