Post by Miss Sunflower on Aug 26, 2010 19:06:57 GMT -5
I don't know how to pray for a baby. I don't know how to ask for something, while accepting God's plan at the same time.
"God, please bless with me a baby. I know that you have perfect timing, but could you give me one now anyway?"
The same goes not just for this, but for everything. I feel like my prayers sound stupid and fumbled. I have heard people who say the most beautiful and powerful prayers. I don't know how to pray like that, and I don't know how to pray for something while trying to accept something else. I guess I'm just not good at praying.
TIA for any advice.
D (20) R (29) Mama to baby Poppy Rosalie lost at 5w2d on 3/9/10, expected in my arms on 11/6/10
Darcy, I had to comment on this and give my opinion!! ;D No prayer is stupid, no matter how you say it or what you say. God knows our needs and expects us to ask for His help. I used to pray for God to just give me one baby. That's all I wanted and I wouldn't ask for more. Then I would think what if it's not in the plan. Then I would pray for God to guide me and give me strength for whatever was to come. After I finally had a baby I thought about having another one. When I talked with the dr and he explained all the risks of getting pregnant again I remembered my prayer for just one baby. It really helped to make my decision to not have another baby a little easier because I was holding up my end of the deal. This all might sound crazy but I just wanted you to know you just keep doing what you're doing!! God listens!!
After 4 losses... Dalton Laine born March 10, 2006 at 31wks weighing 2lbs 1oz 14 1/2 inches long!!!
It helps me to remember that prayer is nothing more and nothing less than a conversation with God. Just like it can be awkward to talk to a stranger and gets easier as you get to know them, it gets easier to talk to God as you get to know Him more.
That said, here are some things that have helped me: 1. Praying through Psalms. The Psalms were basically prayers set to song. King David talked to God about everything. Sometimes I read the Psalm and the words echo how I'm feeling. Sometimes they aren't what I'm feeling, but remind me of who God is and my feelings start to change. 2. Crawling in God's lap. A lot of the time when I pray I visualize myself sitting in God's lap with my head on His chest. I can cry and tell Him how angry I am and I sometimes visualize beating on His chest with my fists, but somehow I always end up with a peaceful silence where I can almost feel His arms around me and hear His heart beating. 3. Remembering that prayer isn't about changing God's mind as much as it is about changing my heart. From your post, I think you already know this. Sometimes I'll catch myself whining and begging and nagging God and I have to remind myself that rather than praying for what I want I need to pray that God will help me not only accept His will, but rejoice in it. I start praying what Jesus prayed the night before his crucifixion "Not my will but Yours".
I've found it helpful to read about women in the Bible who were barren. Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, and Elizabeth are my favorites. Sarah had finally given up on ever having a baby and actually laughed when she overheard the angel tell her husband that she would have a son. After probably 70 years of ttc and the disappointment of AF every month, she had a son and named him "laughter". Rachel was the chosen love of Jacob, but her dad tricked Jacob into marrying her older sister, then she has to watch her sister give Jacob child after child while she can't get pregnant. It's hard enough for me to see women I don't even know walking around pregnant. I can't imagine seeing another woman carry my husband's child. Hannah was so desperate to have a child that she finally promised God that she would give her child to Him if He would open her womb. Elizabeth was also barren, but remained devoted to God. When the angel told Mary that she would become pregnant by God's spirit, he used the fact that Elizabeth was pregnant as proof that God could do anything. All these women had happy endings, and the children the bore at just the right time changed the world. God knew what He was doing then, and I have to believe He knows what He's doing now. This is the first time I've prayed for a baby after a miscarriage, and I don't yet know what God's answer will be, but it's not the first time I've longed and prayed for God to give me a baby. I've spent years praying for a baby. Most of the time I've spent praying God's answer has been "Wait". I spent a lot of time denying, fighting, or being angry with that answer. I'm definitely not an expert at coming to live peacefully with any answer God gives, but I have found that the more time I spend praying, even if it's the whining, nagging kind of praying, the closer I get to that place. Sorry to ramble on for so long. Please know that I'm praying for and with you. Felicia
This is what I prayed..."Lord, please give me a baby in YOUR TIME." I was pregnant with CJ the next month. I should not have gotten pregnant. I (thought) I had ovulated several days prior, and was out of the window. CJ is proof that I wasn't.
Darcy, When I pray, I always pray for God's will to be done above all. When we were ttc for Jack, it took months, and it was very frustrating and disheartening to see that BFN month after month. But, I would continually pray, "Please, Lord, bless us with another child if it be your will and allow me to accept your timing if it is your will." I always have to remind myself that God's will is above our own, and he knows what he is doing.
After 6-7 months of ttc, we became pregnant with Jack. And I thank God every. single. day for the huge blessing that Jack is. He is the happiest, most adorable and loving little guy EVER and I cannot imagine my life without him. And if I had become pregnant earlier or later, we wouldn't have Jack (yes, we would have another child who I would adore and love but honestly, I feel like God taught me patience in the process and he knew that Jack was exactly what our family needed!).
It is hard to accept God's will sometimes but I have faith for you.
For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything. -- Hebrews 3:4
You have gotten great advice. I love Felicia's imagery, and have had very similar thoughts myself. One thing that helps me is to remember that God, above all, is our Heavenly Father. And as our Father, He wants us to be happy. As hard as it is, though, His timing is not always ours. My five year old son, Seth, would eat chocolate constantly if we would let him, and cannot understand why his parents say no to this request. Chocolate is good, and it is something he really likes.
Obviously your issue is not as simple as chocolate, but I do believe that God cares even more deeply for you than we do for our sweet Seth, my miracle after my first m/c. He will not leave you comfortless. I know you have watched friends getting what you want, and often it feels like, "why not me?" He hasn't forgotten you, Darcy.
I wanted to get married young. I wanted to have a large family right away. But it didn't happen that way. I believe in abstinence before marriage (yes, I am DH's "only", and he is mine), so there would be no babies until it could be a permanent family situation.
I can't tell you how many times I pleaded with Heavenly Father that I would find the right guy, and could start with my dream, but God had other plans. His "other plans" allowed me to finish my bachelor's, then serve a service mission in Central America. I came back and completed my Master's degree. Then I put the Spanish I learned in Central America to good use. Combining it with my degree, I became the head of Education for the Migrant Head Start program throughout my state. I had a chance to teach parenting skills in both English and Spanish, and trained teachers on best practices with young children. I had an opportunity to touch lives in a way that I could not have in any other situation. Looking back, I realize that had I been raising my own kids at the time, I probably would have not had the opportunity to touch many, many lives. I taught parenting skills to many parents who were at the end of their rope. They worked as migrant field workers in the day, and came home exhausted. They did not have the patience or the coping skills they needed for their children. Giving them a 'hand up' was a beautiful experience.
Did I want things to be different? Absolutely. But hindsight is 20/20, and I am grateful for the opportunities I had. At the time I worried that I wouldn't be able to have the large family that I wanted, and I worried about the same things you do: what if I had trouble getting pregnant, etc. But in the end I got more out of life under His plan than I would have under my own. There was some heartache in the waiting and as you know, plenty of heartache along the road. But I have been blessed beyond measure.
Darcy, my goal here is not to make it all about me, or to say that my path is the one for you. I am obviously not in a position to know; that is between you and a Heavenly Father who loves you very much. I am just hoping that a glimpse of my "hindsight" will be a testament to you that God has not forgotten you. He knows you well. He knows all you have been through growing up, and He knows the family stressors you are currently dealing with. During this waiting time, if you just stay in tune with Him, I promise you that you will have experiences that will prepare you to be a good mom in His timing...and I believe with all my heart that the time will come.
I know the longing is still there, hon. As far as prayer goes, well... I have always prayed. I believe with all of my heart that I have a Heavenly Father that knows me personally, and has heard my prayers over the years. But probably the most fervent prayer I have ever said was lying on an operating table as the pulled out my nonresponsive baby via c-section. The only words that I could manage to utter were "Please help my baby to be okay" over and over, amidst the noise and the tension of that room. The prayer was not profound, and it was not well said. With tears streaming down my face, I pleaded with my Heavenly Father.
He didn't care that I didn't wax eloquent. Like a Father with a very tired child, He heard that prayer, and held me close through the fragile times that followed. Even in those times where the answer is "no" or "not yet", I promise, Darcy, He is listening. He loves you. He truly, truly loves you. Hang onto that hope. The day will come, my friend. The day will come.
When I was ttc Ang I prayed everynight...PLEASE god let me get pregnant and not have to take forever and PLEASE don't let me lose the next one. Please let me bring home a healthy new baby in 9 months...I was pregnant and I got my baby!!!
I prayed to god so much when Dan and I were married and I wanted another baby, I begged god to change Dans mind and let me have another HEALTHY baby....it wasn't to be :*(. When Dan and I split I still prayed and told God what I wanted to do with my life. I apologized for my failed marriage and told God that I still longed for ONE more baby!!! I did add in that I wanted a GOOD daddy for my next baby but to PLEASE let me have one more baby before my child barring days were over. I was blessed with Alayna altho that would not have been the timing I was ready to have anothre baby but I trusted God!!!!
(((((((Darcy))))))) I have shared this prayer with a couple of SG sisters through PM, this is the first time I have publicly posted it...I wrote this prayer after 5 1/2 years of TTC, I was in a very dark place when I wrote, it was Christmas time which has always been very hard on me as I'm sure it is on all angel moms. I wrote it as I laid in my bed crying my heart out to the Lord. As you read it please know that I would have been happy to have a boy, I would have been blessed with anything that God gave me, but I have always been tought to pray for exactly what I want, so that is what I did. I have also been told that praying God's word back to him makes your prayer more powerful...I don't know if that's really true or not, but it worked for me. Also the begining where it says is this what I'm supposed to be doing refers to the next step of fertility treatment that DH and I were getting ready to do after the first of the year, which DH and I both told eachother that we were comfortable with doing and I was, but it just didn't feel right to me. We never did go forward with it, the appt. I had set up with the dr. for 1/9/09 to move forward with treatment was instead the appt. that we first saw Lilli's heart beat. I pray that this prayer with help you in the way that it helped me.
Lord just tell me am I wasting my time, is this what I'm supposed to be doing, it doesn't feel right, why did you give me such a strong desire to be a mom if it's never going to happen. Lord your word says "Hear my prayer o Lord, let my cry for help come to you. Do not hide your face from me when I am in distress. Turn your ear to me when I call, answer me quickly". It also says "call upon me in the day of trouble, I will deliver you and you will honor me". I am in trouble Lord! My womb is closed, I am barren, and my hearts desire is to have children! I want to give my husband the daughter he wants. Lord deliver me from my trouble so that I may honor you. Hear my prayer Lord. I am crying out to you for help, this is not something I can do without you. I've been trying for almost 6 years. I am in distress Lord. I am calling, answer me quickly. Give me a daughter. Open my womb so I can make my husband a father.
I love everyones prayers, they are all perfect and beautiful because we are his children. It is amazing how he hears all of his children. For me with my daughter Simplicity who is 11 now, she was a surprize. I had tried two years at the time I had been in my first marriage and my husband did not really want children. We had Kaplin and that was enough for him. Anyway it was abuseive marriage. It ended when i was expecting her. But I honestly believe God gave me her to heal my pain. Going through a divorce makes you feel terrible. - Although the ideal is for a family to stay intacted if i had not had her I wonder how different my life would be for my son and I. Would i have had the courage to leave. Would my son be grow up to be a abuser.
So my marriage ended I felt like a failure on not having a father living in the home for the children and I prayed very hard to someday have a family- the idea family for my children and as i was praying a image of a baby flashed before my eyes of a baby with curly brown hair. It surprized me and God spoke to my heart that I would have a happy marriage and be able to have my daughter patience. I did not ask for a baby in that prayer but God knew my fears also.
That is how Patience got her name. And Simplicity got her name because at the time of having her i needed Simplicity in my life. T he answer to your question is for me I have always prayed and made my request as clear as i could. I did not ask God for another baby when Iwas praying for my other two children a happy ideal family- but he showed me.
It was four years later when i met my husband. And we were marriaed a year before we were expecting Patience. at the time of having Simplicity- my fear was she would be my last and my life was over. I would just grow old and never remarry again. And my children would hate me because they did not have a intacted family unit. That is why when i had patience and her hair was curly i cried so hard. - Neither of my other two children or jerry have curly hair. Me either..God had showed me and he had promised me not just a husband but a baby. A new start.
For me life is like connect the dots...lol God has a perfect plan for everyone. Trust me you will never fail when you speak to your father. it may not be the answer you want right then but he will answer you. My words were not always fancy when praying sometimes they have been mixed with tears- He knows your heart And he loves you very much.
Post by trishannbo on Aug 27, 2010 11:07:50 GMT -5
Oh Darcy, everyone gave you such awesome advice. And yes, your prayer Roberta was so beautiful. I have a dd but my dh wanted a son so bad so I prayed for that and I had two, but m/c. Dh said its ok becuz God answered, they are his sons no matter if he can hold them or not. This time around I'm praying for a healthy baby (or babies) to term. Sometimes we have to let go and let God. I learned that after four years of ttc. I pray for you all the time Darcy, for a beautiful healthy baby if its God's will, and pray for it to be God's will.
Me~Trish, 31 DH~Jeremy, 31, 6/02 DD~Anna Maria, born 12/02 DS~Michael, m/c 10/09 @ 11 weeks edd 5/02/10 DS~Gabriel, m/c 10/09 @ 11 weeks edd 5/02/10 Sweet Nephew~Hunter Christian Tre', born 3/30/03 dod 5/27/03 (SIDS)
First of all, your prayers are only between you and God. It doesn't matter what they sound like. What matters is that you are praying them... and that you believe God hears them, even if there are times you struggle to believe that.
This was an area I really struggled with after having a m/c. I found myself praying more often for peace and wisdom than for another baby. God knew I wanted another baby, I know. But more often than praying for that (and mostly because I was afraid to pray for that and get let down *again*) I prayed for wisdom to know when it was okay to ttc again... for wisdom in dealing with ongoing grief from m/c and infertility, for peace just to get through the day.
This verse got me through a few years of life, it used to be in my signature here: "Don't be anxious for anything but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will fill your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 4:6-7
I also came across this prayer during that time -- which expressed what I could not put into words:
In the Face of Fertility Challenges
Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off of myself. Take my eyes off of the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.
Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.
Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.
Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home. If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan. Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will. If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.
Thank You for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!
Darcy, This is a sweet, sweet thread. I love all the responses. I just talk to God like I talk to everyone else. I tell God everything. Sometimes I complain and others I just listen to him tell me things, sometimes about my character, others about his plans for me. I know I had just given up having another baby when I got pregnant this time. I was supposed to have surgery and I didn't think I could get pregnant. I had to stop taking my progesterone and m/c at home after praying with God to perform a miracle. I cried myself to sleep that night. But I remember saying to God, "I trust you." I knew that he would give me a baby because I felt a strong impression in my heart that he would. I just didn't know when he would do it. I feel like the day I broke and let him take my baby my heart broke. I cried to God and talked to him about Sara. I'm rambling. Just thinking about my May 25th loss makes me cry because God held me through one loss after the other, and because shortly thereafter, he performed a miracle.
Happily married mother of three beautiful boys and 4 angels 11/06, 11/09, 1/10 and 5/10. God is always faithful.
Post by Miss Sunflower on Aug 27, 2010 21:39:17 GMT -5
Again, I want to stress the enormous love in my heart I feel from reading the wise words of my fellow sisters.
I just don't have words. I keep re-reading this thread, over and over again, because it brings me comfort, because I am trying to soak up the faith and wisdom that you all have. I have cried twice while reading.
Today while I was in the shower, I talked a little to God. I asked Him to please tell me His will, and to help me to understand and hear Him. I asked for a baby in His time, and to give me peace while I wait. I asked for help while I continue on this journey through my life, so that I may continue to grow into the mother that He deems fit for a child. I asked for Him to please help me to understand this plan, to talk to me because I feel alone. I also asked for peace in my heart.
I love all of you and am so glad to be able to go somewhere for help and advice about such matters, because it is not so easy to find IRL. Thank you.
D (20) R (29) Mama to baby Poppy Rosalie lost at 5w2d on 3/9/10, expected in my arms on 11/6/10