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Post by kacik on Apr 16, 2010 8:14:12 GMT -5
Along with the adoption board I think we could maybe include surrogacy/egg/sperm donation/etc. I'm not sure how many people would be going in this direction. But I might be.
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Post by ericsmom on Apr 16, 2010 8:19:24 GMT -5
Hi Clara.
How about a title "Life After Loss"....that would open the doors for all the board members to share "moving along", because we don't ever "move on".
Thank you for all you do for us.
Denise
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Post by Maria! on Apr 16, 2010 12:49:33 GMT -5
I agree with Ericsmom I really like that "Life after loss" because I agree u never move on!
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Post by joan on Apr 16, 2010 13:17:08 GMT -5
Hi Clara
I agree with Linda's suggestion to combine a couple of boards - like potpourri, reaching out and share with us. I never know which one to post what to so I don't post to any of them.
I have made friends on LOYC too who I value, but think there is an essential difference between LOYC and LOTA and although LOTA is not very active at present I would prefer to keep them separate. Hope this doesn't offend anyone on LOYC. I know it is not the same, but have I miscarried as well, as have others on LOTA yet we don't frequent the mc board much. The research done in Scandinavia published in 2002 indicates that the older the child lost the greater the impact on the mother's health - and this is apart from normal aging issues. I do see more mother's health issues on LOTA - I amsure also because we are older and in a different stage of our lives - empty nesting etc. - just my 2 cents.
Is there any way, within a board, that special topics can be segregated - like sticking them near the top, so that similar topics can be separated on one board? This may not be necessary as long as the title of the board indicates it's inclusivity.
Thanks for all your work and concern.
Joan
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Post by Clara Hinton on Apr 16, 2010 13:20:20 GMT -5
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're all giving me a lot to think through, pray about, and then make decisions about.
What I'm hearing is: you need a special place where you can meet "just for fun" (SG Sisters) -- other than one specific board -- for sharing whatever. Kind of like "girls' talk".
I also am hearing the possibility of combining a couple of boards. I'll have to think long and hard on that one, but I'll definitely make a decision and share with you what I decide.
And, I'm hearing that you would also like to possibly see a different layout of the boards than we do currently have. That's a tough one, but I'll see. I thought long and hard before making the separations that we currently have.
I can see I have my work cut out for me! ;D
I'm going to leave this open to suggestions for a few more days, then make the changes. Thanks, everyone! Keep your suggestions coming and we'll see what happens!
Love, Clara PS What about the thread for dads? Do we want this to strictly be a women's place, or will we still extend the invitation to fathers, too? See? This isn't easy!!!!!
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savannahsmom
New Member
I miss you Banana!! May 29, 2008- June 23, 2009
Posts: 26
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Post by savannahsmom on Apr 16, 2010 13:54:56 GMT -5
I know that not many fathers come here, but I feel that IF they do, then they should be allowed to post. I feel like maybe we would be able to give them some advice from a womans perspective. I know that my dh probably would like a womans advice from time to time with how to deal with me.
I say to leave that part open, you know, just in case.
Joan- You know, I said to combine the LOTA and LOYC board but I think you are right. There is a difference. I wasn;t offended by what you said. It just made sense to me.
Clara- I think that you are doing an amazing job! Thank you!
Thera
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Post by judiann on Apr 16, 2010 19:13:30 GMT -5
Hi "Mom", So glad your doing this ;D....we need a few changes. "Life after loss" sounds like a good idea....a place to talk about how we're doing, coping with everyday life & not feel bad that we may be a "downer" to others when we're having a meltdown. That make sense? I agree with Joan 100%.....I also prefer to keep LOYC & LOTA separate for the same reasons she mentions. The friends we've made over the years & across the boards will still be our friends....we're only a Line away Can there be a "Tween" section/space added to LOYC?? For the children that are 8 to 12ish?? I think we need a special place for them.....grief for that "in-between" age is very different too. One more Really Big thing......Please move "Children with Special Needs" UP to just below the MAL board! There are many children with special needs on MAL too....diabetes, asthma, heart problems, learning disabilities, etc. & I think they would be a good support system if they were closer together. I hope you don't change the layout or format{?} of the board too much......just switch a few things around a bit. SG is the Best support group I've seen....it's basic, simple & easy to follow.....but I'm a little prejudiced Love ya & Good Luck!! judiann p.s. maybe keep the dad's thread a little longer??.....this is not strictly a womans place & the father's that wanted to post in the past just did it anyway.....Hugh, Ken, Smiley Riley's Dad{don't remember his name} & my husband too....
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Post by lostandconfused on Apr 16, 2010 20:27:49 GMT -5
"inbetween time" following loss.....not ready to TTC yet, but not needing to still be on the m/c or other loss boards, and still wanting and needing the support and friendship from your friends. I AGREE!!!! LOL. Somewhere where EVERYONE can post together, without feeling like they are "imposing" or "don't belong" I have been coming to SG for over 2 yrs, and sort of feel like even though I'm not TTC, or a mom, and that I have been "stuck" on IHAM, I feel like I am the only one... everyone comes to IHAM, but everyone moves on eventually to either TTC or PAL, or MAL... of which I am none... all of the girls who used to be here are now on those boards and I feel like I don't belong there, so I don't post much there... and I feel like the Stillbirth, LOYC and LOAC boards are completely separate entities. If we had a "common place" to talk to everyone and just felt comfortable sharing with each other, this site may seem a little friendlier, and a little more "as one"... YKWIM? Just my 2 cents.... ~Tara~ ETA: I am not sure that we need a "specifically for Dads" area, as I think that sort of deters them from posting on more frequently used boards. I think they should be more than welcome to post on their respective topics, and know that there are people who are here for them instead of posting something thinking another dad might read it and doesn't. Also, the Ectopic pg thread doesn't get used a lot, but I think most of the women who have had EPs post on IHAM anyway...
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Post by HummingbirdNC on Apr 17, 2010 8:32:47 GMT -5
First I wanted to thank you for your kindness in keeping SG up for us. I have met so many wonderful "sisters" on here.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of a SG Sister MB. Everyone on this site has suffered loss and in the first months/years after loss our lives revolve around it, but then there comes a time when it's still a big part of our life but it isn't our whole life...if that makes any kind of since.
We have other things going on and I never know where to post them so like Debs said, it ends up on MAL. Questions about our children now that don't really relate to loss, questions or updates about our lives. Thank you for keeping the site up-to-date and even thought we all know this is your site, you make it feel like OUR safe place!
Jessica, NC
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Post by Clara Hinton on Apr 17, 2010 8:57:53 GMT -5
Well, now that you all have my head totally spinning...... ;D ;D
Actually, I'm appreciating so much feedback!!! Thanks so very much!
I'm torn as to how to handle the dads......I, too, believe they need a special place on this site, but I'm not sure how to integrate them more so that they can benefit more from this site. Gotta think (and pray) a few days more on that.
I'm hearing that I need to move some boards to a more logistic place on the site. That makes sense. I might play around with this next week and get your opinions to see if you like where I've moved things.
Judiann (oh, daugther of mine), something you said hit me like a ton of bricks...a "tween" place. I'm thinking hard about this....I think there is a big difference in the way we grieve the loss of a m/c, stillborn, young child, teen, and adult child. Now, I've got to figure out just how to get it "all right" for each of you so that you have 'your place' and still feel connected to the friends you've made!
I'll keep this suggestion box open for 3 more days, then I'll make a few more changes as per your suggestions and we'll see if the changes help.
Thanks so much, everyone! I appreciate your help!!!
Love, Clara
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Post by shannon1717 on Apr 17, 2010 22:43:31 GMT -5
Clara--I think you have gotten lots of good suggestions, just wanted to thank you and tell you, i hope somehow, the dads can stay included. My dh isn't the message board type, but when i lost my first baby, I searched and did not find much for dads. I know that it's not used much, but maybe just knowing there is a section for dads would bring a dad who needed help here and let him know that he was welcome to ask questions...does that make sense?
The ones i've seen since being here, have been asking more about how to help their wives and I think that is something we can help with a little. We can't really tell a man how he should feel, but we can give him a little idea how his wife may be feeling, when maybe she can't talk about it.
I end up on MAL a lot because i'm comfortable there and because much of my time here is just about feeling ok again. I feel better these days so most days it's just a matter of being around people i have made friends with. I visit the other boards to check on friends. I try to go to the m/c board to offer support on the days that i'm strong enough and to ask for support when i need it, so i kind of float around:)
Just thank you again! These boards mean more to me than you will ever know. Tamara sent me here and I owe so much to the both of you....you having the boards here, her sending me here and the wonderful ladies i met here are what brought me out of a hole i wasn't sure i could get out of! I know now, that I am stronger than I ever thought and that is in part because of what you have created!
Love Shannon
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Post by carissa on Apr 22, 2010 1:49:04 GMT -5
I think a "chit chat" board would be good as well. I frequent MAL and respond to posts there, but hardly ever start a thread myself as I don't feel I technically belong there.
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Post by ~2angels~ on Apr 22, 2010 6:01:26 GMT -5
I LOVE the chit chat board idea!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are so many girls on here that I have never really talked with because I don't belong on their boards. I think a common p;ace for all of us to go is wonderful.
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Post by Sam on Apr 22, 2010 10:33:29 GMT -5
I didn't get to read all the replies (baby is running around..lol)..so I'm not sure if its said before or not...My suggestion would be to take one of the Miscarriage boards down, cause they do get double posted, and create an transition board ??(this has been mentioned) ..like Waiting to ttc !! out of time...got to run ..lol Love,Sam
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Post by carissa on Apr 22, 2010 12:41:54 GMT -5
IDK...I think the two miscarriage boards should remain as the pain of a single loss vs multiple losses is very different.
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