Physiological effects of grief?

[Sydneysmom]

I just wanted to ask if you guys could share anything with me on this:

I stopped taking Zoloft (25mg) a little over two months ago. About five weeks after I stopped, I started having constant numbness and pins-and-needles on the right side of my body. I first noticed that my hand and foot were asleep, but even my back and my face felt tingly. Only on the right side. Then I realized my peripheral vision on the left side was all out of focus. My eyesight really concerned me, so I stopped driving. I have had a CT Scan, testing for thyroid, diabetes, neurological damage, etc., had an eye exam (still 20/20), and nothing has shown up.

So I started thinking, I went on Zoloft two months before Sydney died (for postpartum depression), and I was on it when she died, so is it possible I'm just having a delayed physical response to her death? These symptoms are starting to wear off, but I'm still curious as to what I would of felt had I not been on meds. Was this just my natural response to grief now that the meds are entirely out of my system?

My friend said she did a little research and found that there is something called "Conversion Syndrome". Have any of you heard of this?

[mommyofonewhosoars]

My grief affects me physically off and on and has since Calypso died. I'm currently going through intense headaches and pins and needles too. One thing about your face, if you grind your teeth in your sleep it can make your face numb and affect your neck also. I do it when I'm stressed

[missingisaiah]

The only thing I know about Conversion Syndrome is the little bit I just read when I goggled it after reading your post.
It could be delayed reaction to grief as grief can be felt in so many different physical ways. One of my friends was told by a neurologist that the brain can actually shrink due to extreme stress, grief, emotional trauma. It time it goes back to normal size. How did your body react to stress or grief before Sydney died?
I found out that my physical reaction to Isaiah's death was how I react to stress and grief normally, times about 300.
I hope the symptoms you are experiencing are not a result of any physical disease. I also hope they go away soon!

[judiann]

((((((((((Angela)))))))))

I was only taking Xanax daily, when my son died.
The sheer physical pain??.....I ended up in the hospital & a mild heart attack. The emotional pain was unbearable & caused even more physical pain.

It took over a year before I tried anti-d's. Effexor....for a few months but it only made my moods worse & I can't take Zoloft at all, so I was off anything for a long while.......then I hit an emotional "brickwall" at 2 1/2 yrs, spiraled down, cryed for a solid month......my doc. put me on Lexapro & it has worked very well. I was on 10mg until another "crisis", went up to 20mg for a few months then.......

Things were going ok & I started slowly cutting back to 10's again{as per doc's orders}.....& for the 1st few weeks, EVERYTHING in my body Hurt!! Not all at once....but the Pain "traveled" all over me. I had places hurt that I didn't even know I Had!!

I'm back up to 20's for now, but I can't stay at that dosage for long & will have to cut back......eventually get off completely. I am Not looking forward to that.....but I at least, know what to expect.......oh yippee .

I think for many of us....anti-d's are a very effective, useful "fix, tool, aid" whatever....to help us cope or handle an extremely hard time in our lives. Generally, we take them for maybe a year or so & can go off & be ok. Except......
it All comes back to bite us on the butt!!! Every ache, pain, moan groan, gripe, grumble ........hopefully we can handle it by now & it's fairly temporary....but still a Royal "pain in the ***"!!!!

Good for you that you can get off them & a Really Good thing about this......You Know, after all those tests......Your Healthy ;D!!! Yay for you!!

Geeeeze .....after re-reading this, a simple "YES" would have worked, huh??

Love ya,
judiann

[mom2lily]

I think grief affects us on a very cellular, chemical level. It would completely make sense to me that we would experience physical symptoms. It would amaze me if we DIDN'T.

After Lily died, I lost hair, my chest literally ached, my blood pressure shot through the roof, my heart palpitated and I suffered huge anxiety attacks. My daughter was part of me. Losing her was no less shocking to my physical self than losing a limb....probably even more so.

[Sydneysmom]

Thank you all so much for your replies.

Michele, thank you for your hugs and for missing me. It means a lot. I've missed you too...it's just been another "silent" time for me. I guess what I mean is I get too overwhelmed by my emotions to be able to communicate anything to anyone. I think I may make a shirt for myself that says "Overwhelmed". That's my label.

Melissa, I'm so sorry about your headaches...as much as they hurt, I know it's probably just an annoyance to you. Don't you wish you could just cut off your head (if it were something you could live without) and trade it for your baby? Gross, I know, but I would give anything for Sydney...

Brenda, you know, I've never heard of brains shrinking, but that would make total sense. Our body probably sends all the blood and nutrients to our heart to keep it from imploding. Good point about individual normal respond to stress. And thanks for the hopes for good health; honestly I think the numbness is gone. Now it's just my vision that's a little off. I told Matt "It's like my vision has matched up with my view of life: Short-sighted."

Fairygodmother, thanks for the head's up. Right now, I have a very surprising sense of peace. My faith is strong these days. But I need to be reminded that tough days will always be a part of life without Sydney. Thank you for sharing your strength and compassion. You inspire me to keep my head up.

Kathleen, you're right, how would our bodies respond if we DID lose a physical piece of it? We've not only lost part of our bodies, but huge pieces of our hearts. We'll be broken as long as we're here...

Thank you guys for always being here. I'm so sorry I'm not always here for you all...no excuses, I just need to be a better friend.

Love you all!
Angela

[missingisaiah]

Don't worry about not posting all the time. We all do what is best for us. Sometimes what is best for us is not posting for awhile.
Glad the numbness is gone. Sorry about the vision. Hope soon you can get through the physical pain of grief.
I forgot until just now how my arms would literally ache to hold Isaiah. This went on at least once a day for about the first 6 months. Don't know how I could forget that pain!

[Sydneysmom]

I can just imagine how your arms ached.

[ourprincesschloe]

(((((((Angela))))))))

I am so sorry that you are experiencing these physical symptoms. I'll just have to admit that I too googled "Conversion Syndrome." Now, I know.

Could these symptoms be a delayed reaction to grief? Possibly. I don't disagree. However, I've found that antidepressants don't really stop the pain. . . don't really stop the grief, the hurt, the depression. . . they just give you the ability to "control" it. They give you some stability. So. . .

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that. . .

I think these are symptoms of withdrawal. Withdrawal from antidepressants is a much ado topic amongst medical professionals either don't know or refuse to aknowledge that withdrawal from these drugs is relevant and painful. . . and in some cases, deadly.

We have tot locks on all our cabinets. In December, we lost the "key" (a special magnet). A week went by without either of us taking ANY medications. IT WAS HORRIBLE on the seventh day. . . we started fighting like cats and dogs. . . physically we felt like. . . ****!!!!!! We both started taking our meds again and were fine. . . but I knew then I needed to get off Paxil. . . I went off gradually with few side effects. . . but when I got pregnant I decided to go off Wellbutrin. . . . a little more abruptly. . . And, I've awful, awful headaches. . . that I am absolutely positive are withdrawal symptoms.

Here's one Q/A I found about ZOLOFT: depression.about.com/b/2005/02/21/dizziness-from-stopping-zoloft.htm

You can probably find more. These drugs are life-saving. NEVER would I suggest someone avoid them. However, we do need to understand that they impact our brain chemicals and waves. . . so obviously when we take that away. . . there are going to be side effects. . . to me. . . what you are experiencing are side effects. . . and I would push the issue with your doctor to find a solution. . .

Take care of you, lady. And, I will keep my legs crossed (mostly because I have to pee all the time) but also for you to get pregnant!!!!! HA!!!!!

[judiann]

I just wanted to add something else here that may help.

If your thinking of/or are going off these meds.....Talk to your doctor 1st, do it slowly.....
.....& TELL someone close to You!! Someone that knows Your moods, how you are "normally".....someone that will keep an "eye" open for unusual or odd behavior......that you may not notice or realize what your doing.

Swinging from trees like a monkey or running down the street with my hair on fire.....is "Normal" for Me ....so Don doesn't really pay much attention to that stuff....LOL!!
He does watch me tho......when I get Really quiet & stay that way.....thats Not normal for me cause I Never shut up !!

judiann

[aubreymariesmommy]

that happened to me when i went of zoloft too the weird pins and needles things ...since i ended up having to wait to TTC i started on it again i take 100mg but had been up to 150 .....my md thought i was nuts but once its out of your system it will be ok~vikcy

[melody]

I just want to echo what Judiann said. have some one close to you, who knows your moods is so very IMPORTANT!!! I'll say it again, so very important. When going off or beginning these meds.

I took prozac for a year after Matthew died, didn't start it until 8 months after his death. Did it take the grief away. NO way , but it took the edge off of other things that would upset me.
Unless, I was in line at the grocery store, postoffice, bank, etc. Those lines reminded of me of Brazil and drove me nuts!!

I was off the prozac from 1993-July 2001. We had some problems with our older son, and with the church where we were working. It began to take a toll on me. I was ready to die. I got a call from a friend who wanted me to go the jail and counsel with a young mother who was picked up for crack. I broke. I told him, I can't even counsel myself right now, let alone some one else. I also didn't want to be around anyone. I hated living like that. SO

I went to the dr and asked for help. That's when I started zoloft. 25mg. to be exact. The first two weeks, I had tingling sensations in my face, mostly my chin. Some days, if I forget to take it, I will have those sensations.

It is ok to need some help. It really is. It is not addicting. If it helps take the edge of then take them. BUT work with your doctor. and a close friend. A close friend can tell if it is mood change or just you. Thinking of you.

Grief is physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual.