A question from MAL...

[dewberry]

Is there anyone here, who after their loss, decided to leave their next pregnancy in God's hands and not have any kind of medical intervention during the first 12 weeks? This is what I did with Samuel, kind of pretended I wasn't even pregnant because I didn't want my heart to be broken again. My doctor was very shocked to see me when I turned up for my 12 week appointment, because I had been so active in the pregnancies I lost, with continual blood tests and scans. Obviously, there will be plenty of girls here who had to act early (with Progesterone etc)... but did anyone just wait it out and pray?

Thinking of trying again soon... and formulating a plan... even if that plan is to hide my head in the sand for 3 months...

Donna

[violetsmommy]

No but I had briefly thought about it when I found out I was pg again. I was too excited though and was anxious to meet my new baby even if it was on U/S. I figured I wanted to "know"her while she was here... I had no Idea at this point that pg=baby.... I thought I would have the biggest dissapointment of my life all over again. I got early care b/c of my cloting disorder and low progeasterone levels..... I also secretly thought that there might be something they could do to increase my chance at having a l/c if they found some sort of problem early on.... not sure what expecially that early in pg.

[selmasings]

Here in the UK unless you have had multiple losses (by that I mean 4 or more) in the early stages of pregnancy there is no intervention....You don't get your booking in appointment until you are between 10 and 12 weeks and at that it's mostly paperwork - they will sometimes try to find the babies heartbeat with the doppler but some feel it's too early.

1st scans aren't scheduled until you are around 12 to 14 weeks here! So you are kind of left to just get on with it regardless.....I didn't mind it so much this time as Milly kept me occupied and it seemed to fly by, though between wks 8 and 10 it did drag a little! The only time they will intervene and perform early scans etc is if you bleed. I remember it was like some kind of torture when I was pregnant with Milly - especially when I began to bleed at 9 weeks and had convinced myself that it was all over as I had no idea as to whether or not the pregnancy had ever even established itself. Turned out we had lost a twin - I think in some ways not knowing we had been expecting twins made that loss a little easier to cope with and obviously the fact that there was still hope in that Milly was alive and well!

If it is known that you have problems and known that you need supplements to help a pregnancy thrive then the early care here in a pregnancy is much the same as in the States....early scans, HCG levels stc....

So you are thinking of trying again - praying that if you do all goes well and that you have a very healthy pregnancy!

[Trevon&Nevaeh'smommy]

with all my health problems, i find out and get medical care right at 4 weeks

[dylanandnorahsmom]

After my miscarriage I thought about not doing any bloodwork or anything until I was sure I wasn't going to miscarry again. However, my miscarriage was at 13 weeks; the likelihood of a miscarriage happening past twelve weeks is very low. When I found out I was pregnant this time, I called the dr right away and asked to come a little sooner than the typical 9-10 weeks just to be sure there is a heartbeat there. I'm going in next week at almost 8 weeks; I don't know if this will help put me at ease or not because I saw a hearbeat at 9 weeks last time and it was gone at 13 weeks. I'm hoping the time goes quickly right now because I really want to get past the point of my loss. Fortunately, I'll have Thanksgiving and Christmas to look forward to and to keep my mind off of things.

[jnb280]

i feel exactly the same..
i am still torn on what to do , but i think also for my husband's sanity, i will try to set up an appt sooner. i debated to wait, but will try to see the dr sooner if i can. i decided i would feel more guilty if i didn't go and there was something else wrong that is fixable/treatable to stack the odds in my favor

i DEFINITELY plan to not tell another soul that i am pg...this is going to be hard with my parents around at Thanksgiving, but if all goes ok, i am not spreading the word to others until i am getting obviously fat!

j

[alex]

I didn't exactly but with N I opted out of all bloodwork, and scheduled my first u/s at just before 8 weeks. I didn't want the stress of waiting for the bloodwork results, and didn't want to go for an u/s at 6 weeks and get an ambiguous result. It would be nice to just shut ourselves completely off for those first 12 weeks--I admire your ability to hold out that long and remain calm.

[mom2kyle1123]

I had wanted to but couldn't stand the stress of not knowing. This pg was a surprise all together. DH didn't want anymore and I did for two years! When I finally surrendered to My DH and his desire, I felt totally free. Then I found out I was pg!!! I had told DH that if he was serious about not having anymore he needed to do something about it but, well as you can see that didn't happen! ;D

Anway, with my experiences in childbirth I felt that help right from the beginning would be good. I even had bleeding in the beginning so it motivated me to go to the DR.

I wish I could just "take it as it comes" but that's not me. If you can do it then go for it. Just make sure that you aren't trying to practice detachment. It's natural after loss to feel detached from almost everything but then when TTC again, you may feel this way but it is important to embrace the pg so furhter healing can take place. Even when PAL, if anything happened to that baby too, you would really struggle anyway so might as well get used to the idea that there is a life in there who deserves to be treasured from the very first blue line positive.

That's how I see it. As for telling anyone, that is different. Non needs to know except maybe DH. Other than that it's up to the two of you to decide who and when. Do you need their support? Do you want to have to tell them about a loss when they didn't even know you were expecting? These are questions that I asked myself and it helped me make a decision.

I'm sure whatever you do it will be right for you and DH. As always, you have our support here from day one! Maybe that is all you will need at first?

So sorry for your losses. I can't even imagine losing a baby at 41 wks. To me that is just too tragic. I am so sorry.

Bethany

[catherine]

I tried living in denial when I was pregnant with Travis (after losing Alex at 35 weeks). And then Travis died at 20 weeks and I wished I had done things differently. My heart was still broken...and I had the added guilt of having missed so much valuable time with my son. So with this pregnancy, I have been much more proactive. But that ended up being just one blood test and an early ultrasound to make sure the Lovenox use was ok. Personally, I don't see much value in a lot of testing if there is nothing that can be done to change the outcome. But if there is anything positive that can result from any given test, I'm all for it.

[Kim]

Ok...perfect question for me! After we lost Roxy on Feb 3 this year, I quit taking my metformin and we pretty much gave up. No trying to conceive, used condoms etc. somehow we ended up pregnant that very month. The only thing I did do is take my heparin cuz I absolutely had to...I started that after I took the test. I didn't go to the dr til 8 weeks and all was good...of course up til week 20 and I had a cerclage...and of course when my fluid went too low. But now we have Christopher and it's wonderful. Oh, I did go back on Metformin once I found out too.

Kim

[dudefeb9]

well you know what?? i thought about doing that honestly..i found out @ 2 weeks conception time (4 weeks if you go by last period) and i needed to be on progestrone so i decided i would not wait...i do honestly wish i wouldnt find out till im like 2 months along...this is going to be such a loooonnnnggggg baby journey

[kevinandkim]

The thought crossed my mind for a second. I couldnt do it! So I went ahead and made my appointments. I think if I had not I would have gone crazy! Goodness I still go crazy between appointments and there only 2 weeks apart!

[dawn]

There's no way I could've. Because I knew that I had a blood clotting disorder and the fact that I have such low progesterone (only 5 even on Crinone Gel, around cd 21). I had to be constantly monitored or this baby would've died.

[dewberry]

Thanks so much for your thoughts on this ladies.

My last pregnancy with Sam was such a nightmare, I had Grade 4 Placenta Previa, full restrictions, hemorrhaged at home in bed, spent ages in hospital, traumatic c-section, sick premmie baby... I don't know, somehow, the first 12 weeks were a breeze, even though I didn't really know anything, except that I was pregnant...

Bethany, I didn't lose a baby at 41 weeks, he was my Godson, but not my son. It has been hard enough just losing my Godson, he was a big part of my life from the minute they got the news they were pregnant, I attended every appointment, class, I was there when they got the bad news and I delivered him with their Midwife, I gave him his bath and took his photos, presented him to his Mummy and Daddy... it was very hard, still is, but he wasn't mine... I don't know, can't even imagine, that pain.

Donna

[mom2kyle1123]

Though I am heart broken to know that this was a relatives son, heck anyone's, I am glad to know it wasn't yours. I wondered buy the siggy but didn't want to assume.

I just want to send a hug to you ((((( ))))) as you make your decisions.

bethany