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 Author | Topic: The day befor Holloween SUCKED (Read 110 times) |
heatherm2411
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|  | The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Thread Started on Nov 1, 2009, 9:15pm » | |
So I find as it gets closer to the big holidays the little ones I am feeling are big now also. I was at Walmart when I seen a baby girl that was the same age as my little girl would of been... Needless to say I fell apart and even cryed right there in the store I cant believe how hard it still is to this day... I dont even know when my emotions are going to come or not.... I just dont know anymore.... I'm lossing faith in EVERYTHING and EVERYONE! I dont feel I will be a mother! I dont know why god gives crack heads babys... Well who knows I dont anymore  
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jamie
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #1 on Nov 2, 2009, 1:45am » | |
I hear ya! I can't understand why some people who do so many bad things can have kids and then others, like us, cant. I get so mad about that sometimes. and It's so hard to see what we are missing out on, like when you were at Walmart or during the holidays  I'm sorry your day sucked. I had a really hard time on Halloween seeing all the kids and was really upset, and now I'm starting to feel kind of numb and disconnected. Maybe thats not the right word... I guess its more like numbness and disbelief- I cant believe this is my life.
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rivkahlynn
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #2 on Nov 2, 2009, 11:17am » | |
I understand what you mean heather.. I felt like that this September... when I would have had a 6 year old to send to school.. and yet nothing... I don't understand... But there has to be a bigger plan or purpose...
Gentle hugs
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M/C~03 Judah Alexander
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heatherm2411
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #3 on Nov 2, 2009, 3:24pm » | |
Jami~
Thank you, for replying! Around the hoildays it just gets worse! My mom is also gone so I cant talk to her the only out I have is here! My boyfriend understands to a point but did not have to make all the decisions I had too... I dont understand why people that dont want kids can have them and I CANT! I got to a point in my life before this last baby and decided that it was OK not to be a mom I was going to start college then guess what YUP I was prego! The biggst hurt I have right now is that his sister had a healthy baby boy and gave away her other 2 kids she smokes weed and drinks all the time and she HAD A HEALTHY BABY and I didnt! Thanx for being here for me b-c like I said I only have this message board!!!!!
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heatherm2411
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #4 on Nov 2, 2009, 3:28pm » | |
Rivkahlynn~
Thank you for replying I only have people on here that understand all my friends have at least 1 baby! I understand my first baby would be 5 years old and my youngst would be 7 months! It is still fresh and IM STILL MAD and HURT and cant understand!!! Before my second baby died I was OK with not being a mom I started college and started caring about me more it took 5 years for that then I found out I was prego and then it was gone 4 1/2 months 18 weeks!!!! Thank you for replying agien I really needed advice or maybe just to hear someone else feels the way I do.... It dont make it go away though it just helps thanx
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jamie
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #5 on Nov 2, 2009, 6:35pm » | |
Heather, I don't have anyone to talk to in real life either. Mine would have been 8 yrs, 3 yrs, and a couple weeks old. I was at that point a couple years ago too- going back to school and trying to build a different life, thinking I might be able to be ok with finding a different life instead of being a mom. I am sort of still in school, but my heart isn't in it and my grades are not very good (even though I used to be a straight A student). I wish I had advice or something to make it easier for you, but I just don;t know what to say other than that I can relate to how you are feeling.
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heatherm2411
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #6 on Nov 2, 2009, 6:43pm » | |
Jami~
It is good enough that you can relate to me! I dont have that and I think that is what is getting me through the days... I cant believe on how hard it is! I am going to be going back to school in Jan and I am hoping it works out good b-c nothing in my life is working out! It would be nice for ONE thing in my life to go the way I need and want it too!
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jamie
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #7 on Nov 2, 2009, 6:59pm » | |
Heather, I hope it works out for you. I know what you mean about nothing going the way it should. What are you going to go to school for? My major is business.
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heatherm2411
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #8 on Nov 3, 2009, 6:58am » | |
Jami~
I was going for accounting now when I go back I am going for teaching!! How long do u have left be4 u get ur degree?
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jamie
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #9 on Nov 4, 2009, 10:36pm » | |
Heather,
Wow! That should be a lot more fun than accounting!  I have a couple years left even though I should be done by now because I just can't seem to kick myself into gear, you know? Maybe this next semester will be a time to turn things around I'm considering taking online classes instead. I think that will help me be more successful because I will be able to do the work even when I don't feel like going to school lol I might transfer to someplace like University of Phoenix or another online school... I haven't made up my mind yet. Are you taking classes on a campus or online? -Jamie
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heatherm2411
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #10 on Nov 4, 2009, 11:12pm » | |
Jami~
I was going online for the University of Phoenix until I decided that online was not for me! Im going to be going on Campus for another school in Michigan! I am excided and scared at the same time... That might help you going to an online school. It was also REALLY hard at that University online! It started I was an A+ then my grades dropped in some of my class's! If I am going to school I want to be getting A's and B's if I can! I hope to talk to you soon... Were r u from?
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jamie
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #11 on Nov 5, 2009, 8:03pm » | |
Heather, I'm in MI too! I'm kind of between Port Huron and Macomb, in the middle of nowhere. I know what you mean about wanting to have good grades- that's why I need to switch to online lol What kind of work do you do now? The job market here is so bad- I've been applying like crazy but haven't been having any luck -Jamie
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heatherm2411
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #12 on Nov 6, 2009, 11:01pm » | |
Jami~
I go to school full time plus two classes. So I go to school for 6 class's and that takes up a lot of my time!!! Who ur not to far from me Im in Warren... If u want I can give u my number it would be nice to be friends with someone that understands... Well I hope to talk to you soon!!! Oh, there is not many jobs over here!!!
Heather
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jamie
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| | Re: The day befor Holloween SUCKED
« Reply #13 on Nov 7, 2009, 5:55am » | |
Heather, Wow! That's a lot of classes! I took more than full time once and it kicked my butt! I sent you a private message with my contact info I hope to hear from you soon! -Jamie
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