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Dec 9, 2009, 1:09am

Message Board :: Other Child Loss & Grief :: Loss of a Teen/Adult Child :: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent

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Topic: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent (Read 197 times)

joan
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changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Thread Started on Nov 4, 2009, 1:39pm »

well, phase 1 is more or less complete

mother is in her room in the home and it looks lovely - she is very good at creating a "good look" and, in fact, needs it.

we all are tired, and there are still a few things to do like hooking up her TV - I think I found someone to do it, but you never know till it is done

when I said goodbye she said "Come back as soon as you can"- and I will :-/

she looked worn, a little confused, yet I sense courage in her
she has had a couple of meals there and met one or two ladies she thinks she has something in common with

more and more she gives me things that come in the mail and asks me to deal with them

drove home yesterday - tired, tired and mentally/emotionally drained and it is affecting my mood

phase 2 is sorting out the things in her apartment and getting rid of what I don't want to bring home and finding places for them other than the garbage bin if they could be useful for anyone
- like a sofa/hide abed. china pots, various "decorations", linens, kitchen stuff - I do not have that much storage space in my kitchen - especially with extra people in the house who need their own storage space

I am not good at sorting - but will have to get ruthless -and take only what I really want and get rid of the rest

phase 3 is actually moving stuff - mostly very nice wood furniture. some art work, etc here

Gary just found out that his schedule has changed again - the nature of his job - so he is not sure when he will be off - and that works for him - he will figure something out - he is very spontaneous and then there is Mike, my godson at the other end - in Edmonton - who is almost compulsively meticulous in arranging times and dates and doesn't respond well to changes. Mike said he would help with the moving on the 21st - BUT we don't know if the 21st is going to work anymore. ::)

I chatted with one of the lads last night for quite a while and he said he could help with the move, which would be great - he is pretty flexible and probably would work it out with Gary with no stress either way - in fact I may ask a couple of the other lads to help too - they are storing equipment in my back yard and garage for nothing -

phase 4 will be "What do I do with it all here" - getting stuff into the house and then placing it or storing it till I have it figured out.

Gary sees that I am stressed - hard to not see it - and I kind of want to go into hiding right now. If we survive this I think we have a chance together

I am feeling the familiar signs of loss and grieving -wishing my Gordie was here to help - he would have come from wherever he was and helped and he was good at organizing things :'(

remembering mother's apartment - which I stayed in when Gordie was in hospital before he died - and it will be gone soon

last night Chris -the lad downstairs - wanted to know the details of what happened to Gordie -so old feelings came up too - he lost a friend in an auto accident a few years ago and the guy who caused it got off and his friend was blamed - i said it seems to happen often and doesn't make life easier

darn - tears - which I probably need :'(

if the worst comes to the worse I will just have to hire movers to bring the stuff up here - though it would be pretty expensive - but I like to have a plan A and a plan B >:(

want to run away to the beach. Linda - margueritas. cabana boys and all

Gary says Go with the flow and you have a better chance of coming out of the fire singed not scorched

Life has thrown me into a few fires (abysses) - I go in head first. the dross gets burned off and I arise out of the ashes like the phoenix - a renewed creature - different approach

I like what Stephen Leacock (Canadian writer) wrote

" he...flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.'' 8-)

one of them will be to the hairdresser and get some of mop chopped off - it is down to my shoulders now - too long

that will help

thanks for reading if you have lasted this long

love you all

Joan

« Last Edit: Nov 4, 2009, 1:42pm by joan »

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heidi
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #1 on Nov 4, 2009, 7:51pm »

Love you, Joan. I hope life settles down for you soon. You sound frazzled.

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joan
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #2 on Nov 4, 2009, 7:53pm »

I am dear Heidi -this month is a hard one and mother is already having battles with the staff and threatening to walk out

hugs

Joan

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Krista
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #3 on Nov 4, 2009, 8:30pm »

I come here and read your posts once in a while. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. Prayers you get through this okay without getting too stressed! (((hugs)))

« Last Edit: Nov 4, 2009, 9:16pm by Krista »

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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #4 on Nov 4, 2009, 9:03pm »

Joan,
Life is so crazy. I once thought that it would get "better" after... 1 year... 2 years... etc. Life keeps happening and I hear in your post, and feel in my own life that it is so much harder to handle when we have our grief riding along with us. I am thinking of you this month. I hope you can find moments of peace.

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pamela
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #5 on Nov 5, 2009, 5:27am »

((((((((((((((((((9Joan))))))))))))))))))))

I'm tired just reading all you have to do. I do hope you can get some GOOD help, but what a task you have ahead of you.

Its so hard to get rid of Good Stuff!!!! Do you have drop off places you can take it to where it can be resold? What about a garage sale? Does she have enough stuff for an Auction place to come in and have an auction? A lady I work with, her father passed away. and they did that and made some decent $.

Just some ideas for you.

Try and remember you will get it all done, and when you do you won't have to do it again.

Love you, wish I come over and help you sort.

pam

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joan
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #6 on Nov 5, 2009, 9:28am »

thanks Krista, Cindee and Pam - feeling better today - the "plan" is forming in my mind

prayers are definitely needed and appreciated - God keeps sending me messages to "trust Him"

yes. our grief comes with us and colours so much of what we do - I am grieving mother's loss too as it is my loss as well - it is a big transition for her and one step closer to the grave
and thoughts of Gordie pervade everything it seems

One of my next tasks is to call the "thrift" type stores in Edmonton and see who picks up stuff. I will take most of the furniture back here - it is old dark carved oak and Gary loves it and I like it and I have little "good" wood right now - gave it all away to the kids. A few other larger pieces hopefully will get picked up by someone. I can deliver some small stuff with my car if needed. Gary says he knows the auction houses and things can be left there and get a few $$$ for them He said he will help me sort the night before the move. The lads up here will help with the unloading and I may ask one of them to come to Edmonton and help loading if Mike is not available when Gary goes down. I am feeling better about it - looks like something will work out.

thanks for all the thoughts and prayers

wish you could help too pam, sense you are good at the kind of thing

got my hair cut and feel better about it

today I will pick up boxes to pack mother's good china and silver which I will keep

and round up some more boxes - small ones that I can carry when full to drop off at `thrift`places

She has some good art on her walls and embroideries dd has done and I need to bring them back in the car on my next trip as well as visiting her, talking with the nurse there about her meds -(source of several battles) and bringing a few more things from her apartment for her room in the home

I think that will be enough - and I still have time for another trip before the big move

I have to remember I am 72 and not quite as energetic as I was lol

had a lovely relaxing evening with Gary last night - he is so good for me that way

Thanks for reading - even writing it out helps

Love
Joan

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ericsmom
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #7 on Nov 5, 2009, 2:03pm »

((((((((((((((((((Joan)))))))))))))))))))).....I don't know how you're doing this....My parents are still able to be in their own home, but it scares the heebie geebies out of me that someday they may have to move on. I hope I'll handle it as well as you and I'll know where to turn for help.

Love,

Denise

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Corinne
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #8 on Nov 5, 2009, 2:32pm »

{{{{{{{{{{{Joan}}}}}}}}}

Wish we lived closer so I could lend a hand. I too am tired reading about all you need to do.

Take care of you.

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joan
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #9 on Nov 6, 2009, 1:57pm »

Thanks Denise and Corinne

happy to share any wisdom I have gained/am gaining throughout this

one thing that occurs to me as I pack and unpack is that it would have really helped to have someone to work with - not so much to lessen the physical work. but to share the memories with - and I don't have anyone to do it with me.

Gary says he will do the big stuff, but there is a lot of littler stuff to go through that brings up feelings of nostalgia and it would help to be able to share it at the time.

It is not the same as going through Gordie's stuff - this is all in the natural course of events and a good move for mother

but there are emotions involved -

I was absolutely exhausted yesterday and spent most of the day in bed - finally got up and went for a walk, but with ice and snow underfoot, it is not as relaxing as without.

Today I feel better and have unpacked china and glassware etc and repacked what is to go to the thrift shop. I will have room to store what I want to keep once the furniture arrives - for now it is on the dining room table (which will become the kitchen table)

I found a thrift shop in Edmonton that picks up stuff so I just have to pack up what I don't want in the apartment and they will pick it up

I would like to get that done before the big move

and also bring the some smaller stuff home before the move - this next trip

and visit with mother, sort out a few things for her, transport a few more things from the apartment to the home

pray that my health/energy is up to all of this

love you all - so good to be able to share it here at least

Joan

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heidi
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #10 on Nov 6, 2009, 7:01pm »

I'm praying for strength for you, Joan. Gosh, you sure are nice to your mother considering how she's acted with you. I admire you for that. I don't think I could do all that you're doing.

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joan
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Re: changes - phase 2 - oh I need to vent
« Reply #11 on Nov 6, 2009, 7:13pm »

I didn't think I could either Heidi, yet I have always known |I would have to

grace of God for sure - His strength

need the prayers and God is answering them

Gary just called and said he will help me sort etc tonight - another answered prayer

love

Joan

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