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Post by latisharicky06 on Mar 28, 2010 21:51:28 GMT -5
Me and my husband went to the OB the morning of Jan. 22nd because i hadn't felt my baby boy, Rylee Wyatt, move since i had woke up. Once we got to OB, they tried to find Rylee's heartbeat and it wasn't there. I delivered Rylee on Jan, 23, 2010, he weighed 6lbs 1 oz and was 19 inches long. Perfect. He had curly dark brown hair that was a little over an inch all over his head. i was 37 weeks.
We recently found out that what happened was a spontaneous massive fetal maternal hemorrhage. My doc told me that this usually happens if a woman had been in a car accident, had blunt force tramua to the stomach or a placenta problem. None of these things happened to us. So they know what happened but dont know why. My life seems like a nightmare that i'm suppose to wake up from any second. Rylee was my first baby.
None of this just makes any sense to me. I heart breaks in a million pieces everyday i wake up and realize that i'm living this nightmare and that so many other ppl have to.
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Post by caitysmom on Mar 29, 2010 13:51:51 GMT -5
{{hugs}}
A sad welcome to the club.
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Post by latisharicky06 on Mar 29, 2010 17:31:22 GMT -5
thank you, i really just dont know what to do with myself...does it really ever get any better? People keep telling me that i will learn how to control my feelings as time goes on but i really don't know if i will. My husband wants to try again when our 4-6 mnths is up but i don't know if i want to.
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Post by HummingbirdNC on Mar 29, 2010 20:38:38 GMT -5
Oh I'm so sorry we have to welcome you here. :0( No one should have to be part of this club. I hope and pray that you'll find SG to be a small comfort. If you need to talk, PM me.
((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))
I don't know if "better" is the right word. I remember when Sarah first went to Heaven that I couldn't function. Now going on three years later, I can. I still miss her so much, some days it's still raw but overall I can function now. I'm sorry agian.
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Post by latisharicky06 on Mar 29, 2010 20:49:46 GMT -5
nothing feels right about my life anymore. The day i found out we were expecting, i was so happy. I wish i could go back to those 37 weeks and experience it all over again w Rylee. I just miss Rylee so much.
It's been 9 weeks and i miss him more everyday.
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sarahsmom
Full Member
May '06- Me and my Angel
Posts: 360
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Post by sarahsmom on Mar 31, 2010 9:36:52 GMT -5
I am so so sorry. There are no words to express the pain you're going through and it's made harder when those around you don't understand why you're still hurting. I felt like my friends/family expected me to go on and 'get over it' though they didn't say those words. At 9 weeks after I lost Jesse, I was just beginning to come out of a fog- I think I was in shock and numb those first few months... though there was still a lot of tears and pain. I had a daughter that kept me busy- I couldn't stay in bed or 'quit'... I had to be her Mom.
First of all feel free to talk about Rylee as often as you can. Find someone that is willing to listen and let you vent your pain and anguish. Here is a good place to come but you need someone IRL too. It may not be your husband since many men tend to bottle up their pain/emotions- mine did. Talk to your doctor if you need help getting through the day and dread the next one. You might need an antidepressant and counseling- I did but it was closing in on the one year mark before I realized it.
When you feel able, keep reaching out to others to help them through it. Just having someone to empathize when something so unexpectedly horrible happens will help you to heal. There is no one IRL that I could share my experience with- I think if I'd tried to reach out it would have helped me too.
The pain never goes away though it will lessen until it's bearable and you can function. Your baby Rylee will be in your thoughts every day. You have plenty of time to decide if you'll have other children, but the days of the blissfully happy naive pregnancy are gone. If you do decide to have another baby, make sure you find a doctor that is compassionate and willing to bend over backward to accommodate your fears.
Susan
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Post by ama01 on Mar 31, 2010 13:04:43 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss. It will be 2 years tomorrow that we lost our baby girl. We never found out why. Take things one day at a time. It can be too overwhelming to think about the furture so if you're not there, then don't. The time will come when yo are ready to think about trying again, and it may be in the same time frame as your husband. But there is no reason you have to decide that today. Just take care of yourself. Allow yourself to feel and do whatever you need to make it through each day. My advice is to tell people what you need. I wrote an email to my friends about a month after I lost her, letting them know to please keep calling, texting, emailing etc.... to ask about her, to speak her name, etc. People don't know what to do or what you need so tell them. Also, find a support group in your area. I have met some wonderful friends in my area who I can talk to face-to-face about my loss. Chat boards are wonderful and can be a great outlet and source of support, but finding people with whom you can chat face-to-face really makes a difference, at least for me. I've helped start a charity since my loss too and that has also helped me a ton. Finding an outlet for the energy and emotion, doing something positive for others - in the loving memory of my angel baby - it's been an amazing healing experience too. Granted, that probably isn't something your'e ready for now, but fidning an outlet in time, when you are ready, can be a great path for healing. Check out our website when you can (angelkisses.org) - we have a resource page that will lead you to many other helpful websites and chat boards.
((HUGS))
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Post by george1995 on Apr 1, 2010 6:53:23 GMT -5
Oh hunny, I pop by from time to time and read posts, when I read yours I immediately felt your shock and pain ((((((hugs)))))) We lost our son 15 years ago to a massive placental abruption, they did every test under the sun on me, I had no high blood pressure, had had no trauma, and to this day we have no idea why it happened to us.
It is such a terrible shocking blow, to have to say goodbye when you should be saying hello. I was so sad to hear about Rylee's loss, and just wanted you to know the girls here are a great support. Reach out and get the help you need, it is such a huge thing to deal with, the best and only real way of even nearly reaching some peace in all of this is to talk about Rylee and everything that has happened.
He is your first born and will forever be there holding your heart strings xxxx
Sending you love
xxxxxxx
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Post by butterflykisses on Apr 1, 2010 9:43:58 GMT -5
Im so sorry hun...we lost our madison at 39 weeks 6 days due to massive placenta abrubtion...i too had no bleeding or severe pain ....I know your pain. Madison would be 4 this july.. im here if you ever need to talk
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Post by latisharicky06 on Apr 9, 2010 19:10:34 GMT -5
I just want to thank each of you. At first i felt like i was all alone and that no one understood my feelings, but now i know different. I never imagine this would happen to us. Its insane b/c i have always known that this sort of thing could happen but in my eyes before it was never going to happen to us. Did any of you have a "want" to get pregnant again? My husband wants to, but i'm scared. I miss being pregnant and miss Rylee. I've thought about trying again in after our 4-6 months because i want to be pregnant too. It's werid, i guess i can't explain it.
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Post by carissa on Apr 12, 2010 18:54:38 GMT -5
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Rylee! ((((Hugs))))
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Post by butterflykisses on Apr 13, 2010 14:46:27 GMT -5
I had the want but was very scared we talked to alot of drs too... now we have little jackson who turned 2 in dec.
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Post by miosy on Apr 13, 2010 16:09:49 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss (((HUGS))). I pray you can find peace on this forum-everyone here is very supportive and understanding.
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Post by heidsz on Apr 13, 2010 16:32:45 GMT -5
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish no mom would have to go through this pain. I lost my son 2 years ago 3 days before birth... he was perfect and we have no idea what happened. 8lbs 4 oz. I always share this quote that I have always remembered... someone once said to me, "The bleeding stops but the scars never go away"... that is so true. Allow yourself to grieve, do what you need to do to live. I know for me, it was a major rollar coaster ride for a year. I think at first I was in shock, and then by the 3rd, 4th month it really set in. Holidays, and the special dates are still hard... but I can say this that time does help. The pain and the feeling of a child lost is always there but we find a way to live with that loss.
I read books, planted a garden, bought a butterfly try... helped others... whatever I could do to move past that initial pain I did... I still read books and my faith has helped. Hugs to you, I wish I could take away your pain but only time will help.
Hugs,
Heidi
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Post by deanne on Apr 17, 2010 6:48:33 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss as I wish no mother has to endure this pain. We lost our preciuos daughter at 37weeks to a cord accident 3-12-08. Before her loss I never knew how life could change in a heartbeat. 5 months after Hannah was born sleeping we concieved Zachary who just had his first birhday. Zachary has brought joy/hope where there was darkness and devestation yet he will NEVER replace our sleeping angel. Big (((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you. I find this site so helpful since all these ladies understand and help me to feel that I'm not alone in this. The pain gets less raw, but you never forget and Hannah is in my thoughts everyday for the past 2 yrs.
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